


fifty ways to kiss someone

by rintintin20



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, not all chapters are gender specific unless they have sexy times, this might go up to E, which they might, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 18:55:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 35,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15322059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rintintin20/pseuds/rintintin20
Summary: Don't melt. Do not melt.Your knees buckled.Traitors.





	1. to pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! This is inspired by a list of 'fifty ways to kiss someone' prompts posted on Tumblr by aurorasmemes. It's for RPers, but I don't RP, so I thought it would make cute fics! I hope they don't mind. Prompt credit goes to them! I'm just writing around the prompts :)
> 
> While I'm going to randomize the prompts and each chapter will be its own little fic, it will be a linear timeline. Even if there are months between events in each chapter, the first one is Poe and reader's first kiss, second chapter is their second one, and so on.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

You were kind of in a bad mood.

This was your mission. _Your_ mission. Sure, you weren't going off to take down Kylo Ren face-to-face and, sure, it had nothing to do with anything related to the First Order, but that didn't make it any less important.

Well, okay, it did make it less important.

But it was still exciting. You were going to go to a planet, by yourself, and help people. You'd never gone solo before and were happy to get the opportunity.

Then came Poe Dameron.

He'd gone on solo missions. He'd gone on important missions. He'd gone on missions against the First Order and missions that got him hurt.

Yet upon hearing of yours, he immediately volunteered to tag along in case you needed help.

You and Poe were...something. He was a good guy. A handsome guy. But his confident, libidinous ways drove you mad sometimes. What bothered you most, though, was that no matter how many times you rolled your eyes or glared at him, he seemed undeterred. He still gave you a pretty smile, and spoke to you in a charming tone, and made jokes that almost made you laugh. Why couldn't he just despise you for not melting for him? It would make it a whole lot easier to stay frozen.

And you _needed_ to stay frozen, because if you melted, you would fall for his charms just like everybody else, thus ending up just like everybody else. An ego-inflating bedpost notch.

Even though it bothered you, you'd much rather put up with his incessant charisma and friendliness than whatever heartbreak might have followed a night with him.

That's why you were kind of in a bad mood. Your first solo outing now felt like a typical group one. If you were successful, the praise would undoubtedly go to Poe. On top of that, he wouldn't stop talking. Maybe you were enjoying his stories, but you needed to _focus_.

You were also pretty sure you were lost — make that an _entirely_ bad mood.

"—like I said, my arms were tied behind my back, so I used my tongue to—"

"You told me this story already."

"I did?"

"Yes." No. You just wanted him to shut up so you could figure out if you were going in the right direction or not. You'd ask him to repeat the story later and he'd be so pleased to do so, he would forget your lie.

You were looking for a big, red building.

All the buildings were red. Many of them were big.

You would have voiced your frustrations about it, were it not for Poe saying a few unsavory words and yanking you off the street. "Wha—" You found yourself with your back pressed flat against a building, with Poe just as flat beside you, his arm across your shoulders to keep you still. "What are you doing?" You practically hissed, grabbing onto his arm.

"Sh!" He nodded. You followed his line of vision to see a group of stormtroopers up ahead; they had stopped to question someone, but soon continued walking.

Headed right in your direction. What were they even doing here?

You had been excited to do this and upset that Poe tagged along, but now you looked at him fearfully for help. He was the one who had experience with stormtroopers. You could see him thinking, looking around for something to inspire a plan.

"They'll recognize me if they see me." It went unsaid that they wouldn't recognize you, you knew that. It only made you feel a little left out.

Poe suddenly looked at you. The gleam in his eye was disconcerting.

"What?"

"You can hit me after if you need to."

"Wha—" You gasped as Poe turned and pressed to you, his hands against the wall on either side of your waist. "Poe?" You looked up at him with wide eyes as he came closer, close enough that you couldn't focus on his face.

Then he kissed you.

You quickly lifted your hands to push him away in shock, but you paused. You gripped onto his biceps instead.

_Don't melt. Do not melt._

Your knees buckled.

Traitors.

But could you blame them? Oh, he was a _good_ kisser.

Why had you wanted to remain cold to his charm and flirtations? Something about...bed sheets?

He pressed his forehead to yours when he broke the kiss. After a moment, he surreptitiously looked over his shoulder.

"—it worked." He grinned triumphantly, pulling away from you. You'd been in a bit of a daze, but your mind began to clear and you noticed the retreating backs of the stormtroopers.

"Yeah." You smiled. "It did."

He looked at you and his grin softened. "We should do that more often. C'mon, let's get this done." He walked backwards a few steps, then turned and jogged off.

You stared after him for a long moment. Once you got a hold of yourself, you pulled away from the wall and followed him, in a bit of a daze again.

Having Poe around was actually pretty okay.


	2. goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you know that we kissed?"
> 
> He stared at you for a second. "Uh, yeah. I was there."
> 
> "Could've fooled me." Had you always been such a bitter person?
> 
> ...probably. One problem at a time, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, everyone!! I'm enjoying this story (made up of little stories, I suppose) and I'm glad you are, too!

You came to your senses.

Of course you came to your senses.

You couldn't live in a dream land where Poe's lips on yours kept replaying. It was time-wasting, and dangerous, and irrelevant.

Besides, he seemed to have forgotten all about it. He made no mention of it. He seemed no more interested in you than before, but he wasn't awkward about it either.

If you thought his cheerful charm and flirtations were irritating before, you now thought so at least ten times more.

You _kissed_. Sure, it was just to blend in on the planet as an infatuated couple so you could avoid stormtroopers, but it was still a kiss. He even mentioned afterwards that you should 'do it more often'. Had he just been trying to get you flustered?

The more time that passed with Poe acting like nothing happened, the more awkward you started to feel. You tried to convince yourself that it wasn't a big deal, that it was just a simple kiss, but it felt so odd. You and Poe Dameron knew what each other's lips felt like and he didn't seem to care. Maybe he'd felt too many. This was why you had been too afraid to melt, and you were glad you didn't melt into his bed.

Your thoughts made you feel a bit like an adolescent, but that didn't make them stop.

Slowly, without realizing it at first, you began to avoid him. You felt a little more at ease when he wasn't around, so your brain took over for you. When he was walking over to you, evidently to speak with you, you would suddenly realize that you were hungry, or needed to use the refresher, or wanted to take a nap; you'd hurry off before he was even within ten feet of you.

Once you noticed you were avoiding him and how good it felt to avoid your feelings of awkwardness, you started to do it purposefully. If you had breakfast, lunch, or dinner at the same time, you would sit at the table farthest from him. He waved you over once or twice and you pretended you didn't see him. If you found yourself walking in his direction in a corridor, you would hide in a room or another hallway until he passed by.

Was it immature? Maybe. Was it efficient? Definitely.

After a few of your fellow pilots had a successful mission, you agreed to accompany them to a cantina to celebrate and relax. Until you found out Poe was going, and you _suddenly_ remembered that you had some work to do on your ship.

You didn't have work to do on your ship, but you didn't want anyone to be suspicious, so you started cleaning it as they all left.

You were scrubbing out the cockpit, halfway inside with your legs hanging out, when you felt someone tug on your pants. You wiggled out of the cockpit. It was getting pretty late, so it might have been something important.

You nearly fell off your ship when you saw Poe standing there.

"Poe? You're supposed to be at the cantina." You steadied yourself, moving to your ship's ladder and climbing down.

"I had something more important to do."

"Oh. Well, it's getting late, I should go to bed." You quickly moved to walk away and he stepped in front of you.

You stepped to one side and so did he. You moved to the other side and he followed you. You stepped to one side just a little, only to quickly move to the other side. He was too quick of a thinker to let you get away with it.

"You gonna give up or are we gonna do this until one of us passes out?"

You hesitated, then crossed your arms in defeat. "What's so important?"

"You're avoiding me." There was something subtle in his tone and in his eyes that seemed like...hurt? All that time, shrugging off your glares and eye rolls, and it was your avoidance that got to him?

"I am not avoiding you." That might have sounded a little more convincing if you'd said it slower.

He gave you a look. "I literally watched you run into a wall to get away when you saw me walking in the hall." His look softened, just a little. "I know you hate me, but this is new."

You opened your mouth to give some retort or denial, but came up with nothing. Instead, you looked down and spoke in a quiet voice, "I don't hate you."

"Then what's going on?"

"—I don't want to talk about this."

"Tough."

That made some annoyance pop up. The kiss and the awkwardness almost made you forget that he was a cocky, little... "Did you know that we kissed?"

He stared at you for a second. "Uh, yeah. I was there."

"Could've fooled me." Had you always been such a bitter person?

...probably. One problem at a time, though.

"What do you mean?"

"You're acting like nothing happened."

"I...am?"

"Yes! You haven't mentioned it. You've been acting the same as always." Suddenly, you felt ridiculous. You sounded like you were several years younger than you were. "What am I saying? Nothing had to change. You kissed me to save our asses, that's all."

"Well, you're right. Nothing had to change."

You nodded and, wanting to leave the conversation, you started to turn away.

"I don't think I could _possibly_ flirt with you more."

You paused, eyeing him carefully. "You flirt with everyone."

"Well, yeah, but even I know I bother you too much. Oh, and, you know..." He moved closer, looking like he was about to let you in on a secret. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't do _this_ with everyone." He reached up and cupped your face in his hands, kissing you deeply.

Though you could have melted, you just sort of stood there with your eyes open. Was he saying that he liked you or something? He said he couldn't flirt with you more and now he was kissing you for no reason. There were no stormtroopers to hide from. He hadn't acted any different because he didn't feel any different.

Now it felt obvious and you would have felt stupid were it not for the fact that you didn't pay attention to whether or not he flirted with other people as much as he flirted with you. You figured you were just another typical potential conquest in his eyes like others.

Maybe you were, just a little higher on the list than some.

With the way he was kissing you, you couldn't really be bothered to care.

You stared at him as he pulled away. "Goodnight."

"Huh?" While he might not have had to change, you did. His kisses seemed to be good at taking down carefully built walls, making it clear that you were smitten deep down even if you were scared to be. He walked around with most of his feelings on his sleeve.

"You said you were heading to bed."

"Oh. Yeah. I lied."

He grinned, letting his hands fall from your face. "It's pretty late. Go get some sleep." He turned away, calling over his shoulder as he walked to the door, "Goodnight."

"Night." You touched your lips fondly. Too fondly. You weren't supposed to be fond of Poe, or like kissing him, or want his affection, or feel awkward when you thought he didn't feel anything for you. You weren't supposed to have these feelings. You were supposed to shove them down and avoid pain, but there you were. Feeling and confused.

What were you getting yourself into?

And what were you going to do about it?

Something wise, hopefully.


	3. in relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was Poe, alive, and there, and smirking at you in a way that would have half-irritated you any other time.
> 
> Suddenly, you came to your senses. But they weren't the senses that you had been anticipating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for enjoying this story!
> 
> I wanted to say, after thinking about the timeline for this story, it's starting off before Force Awakens. It will probably carry through to...who knows what.
> 
> Another couple of things. While thinking of this chapter's kiss, I was listening to the song 'Wanting You' from 'New Moon' (a movie from 1940, not Twilight lol) and, man, the situation came to me instantly. The 'laughing' banter is inspired by a scene from Naughty Marietta, one of my favorite movies that I believe to be romantic af. I didn't copy the scene completely, but it's inspired by it.
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter!

You hadn't come to your senses.

You tried very hard to come to your senses again, but for every con you could come up with about enjoying Poe's kisses, you immediately thought of a pro.

 _You'll get hurt_ was followed by _but his lips are so soft_.

 _You're probably just a fling_ was followed by _but he's so handsome._

 _It would be a distraction from work_ was followed by _seriously, he's_ so _handsome._

Not to mention that he smelled really nice, and he was funny sometimes, and he was a generally nice guy aside from your fear of giving in and being cast aside when he chose a new person. And what if it was just that? A fear.

Then again, there was proof that he went from one person to the next.

Oh, but had you mentioned how handsome he was yet?

"Everyone still awake back there?" Poe's voice came over your comm as well as, you imagined, your fellow pilots'.

A few of you were on a mission that required a group effort, but was casual, so none of you had any special gear. You didn't expect any fighting. If stormtroopers showed up for some reason, you supposed there could be kissing instead.

"We're approaching the planet now, so get ready. If any of you land in the water, you're on your own, 'cause I know what lives in there."

Yes, Poe was funny sometimes, but you always held back your laughter so as not to help his ego grow. But you hadn't come to your senses yet and you almost found him _endearing_ , so you gave the tiniest of laughs.

"Whoa. You know how long I've been waiting to hear that laugh?"

Endearing or not, you couldn't give him that satisfaction, so you pressed your lips tightly together to stifle your laughter. "Wasn't a laugh."

"Oh? You're not in pain, are you?" His tone was annoyingly teasing.

"Shut up."

A female voice came through the comm, "Don't flirt back with him, it encourages him too much."

"Shut it, Pava." Poe grumbled jokingly. "Hey, hold on a minute, I think—" His communications cut off just as you saw his X-wing soar down to the planet below.

"Dameron?" You didn't take it seriously at first. He was a good pilot, which meant it wouldn't be hard for him to mess around in his ship. "Commander Dameron?" You started to worry when he gave no response and you could hear the others calling for him. "—Poe?"

"We need to get down there, now."

If Jessika sounded worried, you weren't going to fight it. You came in for a fast landing in a forest's clearing, not hesitating for a second as you opened the cockpit of your ship and climbed out, hurrying down the ladder. Jess and a few other pilots were out too, moving close to each other and all looking fearful.

"Okay, everyone pick a direction and go. He can't be too far from here."

You quickly turned on your heel and ran into a thicket of trees, pushing aside branches and jumping over underbrush as you went.

Poe could be dead.

And you had always been such a jerk to him. All because you were afraid of falling for him, like everyone seemed to, and being a forgettable fling.

Even now, still far from your senses, you rallied against your thoughts. You wanted to give into your feelings, but you were trying not to.

Now he could be in a mangled ship.

You hadn't even kissed him back the two times that you had kissed.

You couldn't have run more than a few hundred feet before you saw his X-wing in a small clearing. It looked okay, with just a few scrapes and dents. You walked up to it and saw that the cockpit was open.

And empty.

"Poe?" You looked under and around the ship, behind a tree, behind a bush. "Poe?" You couldn't find him anywhere. Maybe he ejected before the ship crashed. Or had there been enough time for something or someone on this planet to find him and drag him off?

You put a hand on the ship and lowered your head, closing your eyes. You should have been kinder to him. His confidence and flirting didn't _really_ do any harm. Evidently, you were starting to mind less anyway. And he really could be funny and so, _so_ good. You'd grown accustomed to his presence, though you never really planned to.

"Engine malfunction. We were close enough and there were enough trees to soften the fall, though. I was gonna go to the nearest village and wait, but I saw you running past." The voice and its amused lilt were unmistakable.

You opened your eyes and spun around.

There was Poe, alive, and _there_ , and smirking at you in a way that would have half-irritated you any other time.

Suddenly, you came to your senses. But they weren't the senses that you had been anticipating.

You walked over to Poe, grabbed onto his jacket, yanked him closer, and slammed your lips against his. He, being the smooth man he was, flailed in surprise for a second. He was quick to respond, though, taking hold of your upper arms and kissing you back.

If you thought just being kissed by him was enough to make you melt, you had been entirely unprepared for one you joined in on. You were entering puddle territory when you forced yourself to pull away, looking at him in silence for a moment.

"I'm not complaining, but what was that for?"

"I...just..." _I like kissing you. I should have kissed you before. I don't really like the thought of you being gone forever._ "—I'm glad to see you."

"That's it. I'm making my engines fail more often." He grinned, squeezing your arms. "Where is everybody?"

"Looking for you." Were you blushing? You weren't someone who blushed often. You didn't usually have the need to, but Poe Dameron seemed to have that effect. You tried not to look at him longingly as he walked over to his ship. He was talking about what would need fixed and you weren't really listening.

The rational, scared part of you was sure that you would come to your senses any minute now.

The rest of you knew that you already did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it did take all my strength not to have the reader start going 'I've grown accustomed to his face'. Good thing My Fair Lady doesn't exist in the Star Wars universe :) Thank you for reading!


	4. out of envy or jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were on your feet before you could change your mind, walking toward him. You had twenty steps to change your mind. You thought about how nice it was to kiss him.
> 
> With fifteen steps left, you thought about how good of a man he was and how he might not even hurt you.
> 
> Ten steps. He made you laugh and annoyed you in ways that were almost cute.
> 
> Five steps to go and you were wondering how the hell you were going to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, sweet, and simple. I wrote it in a couple hours while listening to the love duet from Madama Butterfly on repeat, which is romantic af again (and if you're familiar with Madama Butterfly, Poe is nothing like Pinkerton!). Enjoy!

Poe wasn't yours. You knew this.

You also knew that you would have no right to claim him, should you try to. You had kissed three times. No, that wasn't entirely accurate; he kissed you twice and you shared a mutual kiss once. That hardly made you a couple.

You didn't even want to be with him, right? Sure, you liked kissing him, and you enjoyed being around him, and you were starting to laugh at his jokes, but your mind still pushed your fears.

Yet your protestations were getting weaker by the minute.

Another thing you obviously knew well was that Poe was a flirt. While you may not have known that he flirted with you a little more than others, you knew he still flirted with them plenty. It had always annoyed you and had been the biggest part of why you were still afraid to want him. He seemed to want so many.

Despite being fully aware of these things, you glared at him from across the dining hall. He was leaning on a table, smiling and joking with a few Resistance members of different genders, species, and positions, making them all laugh and hide their faces as they stared at him wantonly.

 _Not yours,_ you would remind yourself and focus on the conversation at your table. Then you would hear him laughing loudly and you could feel your anger building again.

You weren't sure why. You weren't jealous.

You couldn't be jealous.

You—

You were jealous. It didn't matter that you were afraid, you still wanted Poe. And it was clear by your clenched fists that trying to stuff your feelings down wasn't much better than giving in to them.

If you gave in, Poe could hurt you, even if it was unintentional.

If you didn't give in, you could wonder forever and go crazy watching everyone else have him.

Which would you rather carry with you?

You were on your feet before you could change your mind, walking toward him. You had twenty steps to change your mind. You thought about how nice it was to kiss him.

With fifteen steps left, you thought about how good of a man he was and how he might not even hurt you.

Ten steps. He made you laugh and annoyed you in ways that were almost cute.

Five steps to go and you were wondering how the hell you were going to do this.

You grabbed onto his sleeve once you reached him, pulling him away from the table and to the door.

"Whoa! Okay!" He stumbled along behind you as you practically dragged him out to a deserted corridor. He looked around when you released him. "Did you bring me out here to kill me with no witnesses?"

Instead of answering him, you pushed him back against the wall and kissed him. He barely responded before you quickly pulled away, looking at him. "I think we should kiss more often."

"—are you asking to date?"

"No." Yes. Universe help you, _yes_. "I just think we're good at kissing and should do it more."

He gave you a knowing look. "Okay. I can agree to that." You were both silent for a brief moment. "You weren't jealous back there, were you?"

"What? No. Of course not." You narrowed your eyes. "Were you trying to make me jealous?"

"Only when I noticed you watching. It was kind of cute."

How was it possible to be this annoyed by someone, yet still have to fight back a smile?

"Okay, forget the kissing." You started to walk away, only for him to grab your wrist and pull you back, pressing his lips to yours. Your anger at his secret motive was false, so you leaned into him, moving your hands to his shoulders.

And, for the moment, you didn't care if you were going to get hurt.

 


	5. in secrecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you bring me out here to kill me with no witnesses?"
> 
> He grinned, kissing you. "We can be alone. No one comes out here. I figured you'd want that, since you're ashamed of me."
> 
> "I'm not ashamed of you." Being ashamed of yourself was more likely.
> 
> "I know. I don't think that's possible."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably update this story too often. Ah, well.

"Be quiet."

"I didn't say anything."

"You moaned."

"I sighed!"

"Sh!"

It was a new position for you to be in, your back pressed against your ship, and Poe pressed to you, and your hand over his mouth in an attempt to keep him quiet.

Well, being against the ship was new.

For the past few days, following your agreement on 'kissing more often', you'd kissed in empty hallways, the dining hall when everyone else was asleep, against a few walls. Each time you kissed, you would think you heard someone coming and insist that Poe be as silent as he could.

You just knew that as soon as everyone found out that you were sneaking around and kissing Poe Dameron, it would start; the mocking over the fact that you, of all people, fell for his charms. The glares from everyone on base who wanted him. The comments about how it wouldn't last, he would get bored, he'd find someone else after one romp, which would all be very unhelpful and only encourage your fears. Just thinking about people making those comments clearly made your worries more prominent.

Poe pressed kisses to your palm and you couldn't help but giggle at the tickling sensation.

In more positive thoughts, you felt...free. Even if you felt the need to hide, there was something enjoyable about sneaking around and being with someone who had you all smitten like an adolescent.

And you were smitten. It didn't matter if you tried to deny it. And you hadn't done so lately, at least not to yourself and not when it was just the two of you.

You lowered your hand and Poe was going in for another kiss when you did, actually, hear voices and footsteps coming towards ship maintenance. There had been a mission this morning, and the pilots who went were probably coming to check on their ships before going to bed.

Poe let out a swear in surprise when you shoved him away. "So, I think I just need to replace a screw and I'll be fine!" You might have been speaking a little too loudly to seem nonchalant.

He gave you a look, but played along. "Yeah, that should work. I'm gonna get to bed." His look became more meaningful as he nodded towards the door.

You watched him leave the room, waiting for a moment. "I'm going to bed, too. It's late." You needed to work on being more convincing, especially as you immediately jogged to the door and out of ship maintenance.

A hand grabbed yours and tugged you forward, making you yelp. It was Poe, of course, who didn't spare you a glance as he dragged you down the hallway. "Where are we going?" All you got as an answer was him looking back at you with a smirk.

He took you out of the base and through the hangar, and you looked between him and the the base in confusion as he lead you into a grassy field. He stopped a little bit outside of a nearby forest.

"Did you bring me out here to kill me with no witnesses?"

He grinned, kissing you. "We can be alone. No one comes out here. I figured you'd want that, since you're ashamed of me."

"I'm not ashamed of you." Being ashamed of yourself was more likely.

"I know. I don't think that's possible."

You poked him, sitting down in the grass and laying back to admire the stars. You weren't sure there was a nicer place to be alone, but everywhere seemed nice with Poe. Dull, empty corridors sparkled. But the stars were a nice touch. "You make me feel young."

"You _are_ young."

"Younger." You turned your head to look at him as he laid beside you. "Like there's no war we're fighting, and we're just a couple of infatuated kids."

He kissed you and you sighed, only to feel something bumping against your feet, accompanied by the sound of various beeps.

"Buddy!" Poe groaned as he pulled away. "Not the time."

"No one comes out here, hm?" You looked at the droid and then him, raising an eyebrow.

"BB-8's the only one. And he's being really encouraging, if that helps."

"He?" You smirked. You supposed that the little droid had far too much personality to be considered an 'it'. "I know, I understand him." At least you'd have someone kind among the judgement, should everyone find out about you and Poe.

"Get out of here." Despite his words, he patted BB-8 affectionately. "You need to charge anyway."

You settled back in the grass. "Ah, let him stay." The kissing mood was interrupted, and it was nice to have the droid around. You'd always been fond of the droids around the base, which was far less scary than being fond of Poe.

"—okay."

So you both laid there, staring at the stars, while BB-8 rolled around, beeping about this and that. You fought the urge to grab Poe's hand.

You couldn't melt _that_ much.

Though you may have accidentally brushed your fingers against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure BB-8 is supposed to be a girl, which would be cute af, but I'm also pretty sure that a lot of people think of it as a boy and I didn't want to upset anyone so there ya go.


	6. as an apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There is no mission tomorrow. Tell me what's going on, 'cause I'm not in the mood to have you avoid me again."
> 
> "It's nothing." You moved away again.
> 
> "Tell me." He pulled you back.
> 
> You gave him a frustrated look because you didn't want to tell him and he was pushing, and it wasn't going to be your fault if he got upset. "Fine. I like you too much to be able to bear waking up alone. Okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but Poe is so sweet okay. He does make a risque move, so if that makes you uncomfortable, please read with caution.

Being pressed up against something by Poe was becoming your new normal. If he wasn't pressing you against something, you were doing so to him. There were still walls and you had returned to the ship many times, as well as added the grassy field to your list of places to pin or be pinned.

You learned that Poe was a man who loved to touch. Whether he was cupping your face, or holding your arms, or touching your sides, he pretty much always had his hands on you when you would kiss. One you were still getting used to was how he would push your shirt up just a little and run his thumb over your skin absentmindedly. The more he did it, the more pleasant you found it to the point where it felt relaxing.

He was doing just that, as he kissed you in a secluded corridor. You were against the wall, of course, running your hands up and down his arms, feeling the material of his jacket.

You both had your eyes closed as you kissed passionately, but yours opened wide when you felt his thumb dip into the waistband of your pants. "Poe— no." You broke the kiss, moving a hand to grip his wrist tightly.

He immediately pulled his hand away, looking at you with such sorrowful eyes that you started to fill with regret. "Shit, sorry. I'm sorry." There he went, cupping your face and kissing you so tenderly that you could have cried.

"No, Poe, you didn't do anything wrong." You stroked his cheeks in return, looking into his eyes. He hadn't done anything wrong at all. You were not afraid of sex and you longed to enjoy it with him.

But you were afraid of being this fond of someone, and entering their bed, and waking up alone as they forgot all about it.

"I should have asked first." He let his fingers trail down your neck before smoothing over your shoulders. "You're not ready for that yet."

"It's not that. I just..." You trailed off, sighing softly.

"Just?"

You couldn't admit to him that you were scared. You couldn't say that you figured he was a horrible person who would abandon you. "I should go. I need to make sure my ship is ready for...that mission tomorrow." You wriggled away from the wall and started to walk away, only for him to grab your arm.

"There is no mission tomorrow. Tell me what's going on, 'cause I'm not in the mood to have you avoid me again."

"It's nothing." You moved away again.

"Tell me." He pulled you back.

You gave him a frustrated look because you didn't want to tell him and he was _pushing_ , and it wasn't going to be your fault if he got upset. "Fine. I like you too much to be able to bear waking up alone. Okay?"

He furrowed his brow, slowly letting go of your arm. "What do you mean?"

"I know that if I sleep with you, you're going to leave before I get up, pretend it never happened, and move on to somebody else." He stared at you silently, so you went to walk away, only to be pulled back _again_. "Poe—"

"No, listen to me." He pushed you back against the wall so he could look right at you. "I'm not a dick. I know people talk about me, but I don't treat anyone like that unless it's a mutual agreement. I'm not gonna leave unless you want me to."

You looked at him and felt stupid. You felt even more stupid as you weren't completely convinced. You wondered when your mind would finally let go of your fear.

Now it was your turn to be sorry. You moved closer to him and kissed him quickly, pulling away with a sheepish look. "I know you're a good man, but you're right. People talk."

"Don't worry about what they say." He smirked. "Especially if they find out about us."

You stared at him in surprise. He knew why you were trying to hide? "You're too smart for your own good, Poe Dameron."

"I know."


	7. out of habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Meet me here when it's done and we'll go to the cantina?"
> 
> "It's a date." Then he stepped forward, rested a hand on your arm, and kissed you.
> 
> All noise in the maintenance area stopped and, lips still slightly puckered from the kiss, Poe froze when he pulled away. You stared at him with wide eyes that held too much fear considering the conversation you'd had a week or so before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short, silly chapter. The next one will be long and steamy :)

"Look, I can go get a mechanic—"

"I got it," came Poe's frustrated voice from the cockpit of your ship.

You were pretty good at fixing your ship when it needed it, but part of the dashboard was broken and you couldn't figure it out. You intended to ask a mechanic for help when Poe asked what was going on, and confidently took it upon himself to do it for you.

His confidence was still a little annoying, but you were smitten and you knew he was good with ships, so you agreed to it.

A half an hour passed and Poe had started grumbling, probably because his pride had expected it to go smoothly. He was too stubborn to let it go and you were too stubborn to stop trying to convince him to let a mechanic do it.

"Poe, admit defeat. I did."

"No. If I can just...yes...yes!" He popped up out of the cockpit, grinning proudly. "Good as new." He ignored the retractable ladder that was already out and instead slid off the ship, landing on the ground easily.

Show off.

"I'd say you owe me a drink for that."

You could have denied him disapprovingly over his pride if it weren't so infuriatingly adorable to you now. Without malicious intent, it was as charming as everything else that he did. "Fine. Since you saved a mechanic trouble, I'll get you a drink."

"It's gonna have to wait until tonight, though. I have a meeting with General Organa."

"Meet me here when it's done and we'll go to the cantina?"

"It's a date." Then he stepped forward, rested a hand on your arm, and kissed you.

All noise in the maintenance area stopped and, lips still slightly puckered from the kiss, Poe froze when he pulled away. You stared at him with wide eyes that held too much fear considering the conversation you'd had a week or so before.

You needed to stop worrying about what everyone would say, but you couldn't help what you were scared of.

Poe cringed before giving you a reassuring look. He strode past you and walked to Snap, who was staring from where he stood next to his ship. "See you later, Wexley." He grabbed onto the other man's face, kissing him hard. He patted his cheeks and backed away, turning to walk to Jessika.

She was looking at you with suspicion, and immediately lifted up a wrench when she saw Poe walking towards her. "Come near me and lose Poe Junior."

He raised his hands and started walking backwards. "Okay, well, I gotta get to the meeting. I can't say goodbye to everyone." He looked back at you, sending you a wink and moving quickly to the exit.

You hoped everyone there was no longer looking at you, since your now dreamy eyes would probably cancel out Poe's cover up.


	8. desperately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You got out of bed and didn't bother changing as you stepped out into the hallway, walking towards Poe's quarters.
> 
> You had many steps to change your mind, but every time your mind tried to bring your fears back up, you batted them away. Poe was a good man. He was kind. You wanted to know all of him if he wasn't going to return from this mission.
> 
> He couldn't hurt you. He wouldn't hurt you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the smut comes in, folks. It's from a female perspective because that's what I know and feel most confident in my ability to write decently. Now, this is my first time writing smut by myself. I've only done it while RPing, so I've always had someone joining in, but this is my first time doing it all myself. Sorry if it's not the best.
> 
> If you don't like smut or you don't want to read from a female perspective, please feel free to skip! There may be more sexy chapters in the future, but plenty of just fluffy or angsty ones that are gender neutral.
> 
> Enjoy!

You thought all your fear had been taken up by your many — _disputed_ — thoughts of Poe casting you aside as soon as you gave into your growing desire. You were still so focused on it, though perhaps less so after he reassured you, that you didn't think it was possible to be afraid of anything else.

Then you heard that Poe was going on a mission.

High priority.

Immediate.

Leaving tomorrow.

Alone.

Poe frequently went on missions alone, you already knew this. But something felt different this time. Your fear didn't only transition to this new area; it changed completely. When it was about Poe hurting you, it seemed to be so superficial. It made you nervous, and upset, and cautious, and sad before anything even happened.

This fear? It was deep, and sharp, and filling, and _demanded_ your attention. You were overwhelmed with the feeling that this was _not_ a good mission.

 _Maybe you shouldn't go_ , you had said a few minutes after Poe told you he'd be leaving, as he was pressing kisses to your jawline and you had had time to think about it. He said he had to and you asked why, which only got him to tell you it was classified.

 _I could go with you_ , was a suggestion that made him stop kissing you, his eyes more serious than you'd ever known them to be. He was more adamant and firm than you'd ever known him to be, too.

_No._

_Absolutely not._

_I can't let anything—_

_Just no._

His vehement refusal had you terrified. Was it a dangerous mission? Did he think having anyone else along would cause too many casualties? As if he wouldn't be one too many?

That was all you could think that night, laying awake in bed while pretty much everyone else was probably already sleep. You might never see Poe again.

You felt your fear of being hurt disappear completely at this. How would you feel, you wondered, if Poe didn't return from his mission and you had let your silly assumptions get in the way of being intimate with him?

You sat up. He couldn't leave you on purpose if he was going on a mission. That was logical, right? You couldn't be hurt because he would be leaving out of necessity.

And he wouldn't have left you anyway. Deep down, you knew that.

It was now or, quite terrifyingly, never.

You got out of bed and didn't bother changing as you stepped out into the hallway, walking towards Poe's quarters.

You had _many_ steps to change your mind, but every time your mind tried to bring your fears back up, you batted them away. Poe was a good man. He was kind. You wanted to know all of him if he wasn't going to return from this mission.

He couldn't hurt you. He wouldn't hurt you.

You hesitated just outside his door, hand raised in preparation to knock. You could turn around, pretend you hadn't considered any of this, go to bed, and send him off with no more than a kiss tomorrow.

Yet regret loomed over your head. You recalled when he had crashed his X-wing on that planet, and how much you wished you had just _kissed_ him as you assumed he was gone.

Fears be damned. There were more pressing things to worry about. You weren't going to let him disappear and spend your life wondering about what you could have had. You desired Poe and wanted to show him that, as well as feel his desire for you.

You knocked.

A moment passed and the door didn't open.

Maybe it was a sign—

No. No signs. You _wanted this_ , damn it, and you weren't going to scare yourself away from it.

You knocked again, a little louder, a little more incessantly.

The door whooshed open after another moment, revealing a rather disheveled looking Poe who wore nothing more than a pair of sleep pants. He furrowed his brow when he noticed it was you standing there. "Hey, what's wr—"

You didn't let him finish his question, stepping forward and kissing him hard, your hands moving to grip his shoulders. You pressed tight against him, needing to _feel_ him and know he was _there_ with you.

You were all too happy when he moved his arms around you. It gave you more to remember.

You didn't pull away until it was necessary, both you and Poe panting softly as you looked at each other. "Did I wake you?"

"Not complaining." He gave you a grin so sweet that you had to mirror it. "What brought this on, though? That was...I mean, that was some kiss. And you're usually sleeping by now."

"I couldn't sleep. I needed to see you." You stroked his cheek. "I needed...you're leaving tomorrow, and I need..." You didn't exactly know how to phrase this, but knew you had to since he was looking at you expectantly. "I want to be with you."

"You are—" His sassy remark cut off abruptly when he realized what you meant. "You— are you sure? I know you're freaked out about it."

"I am _not_ freaked out about it." You closed your eyes for a moment, calming yourself down; now was not the time to get annoyed. You looked at him again. "I was worried, because I listened to what everyone else said. But I want this. Before you leave."

"Look, just because I'm going on a mission, doesn't mean you have to give me—"

"I'm not doing it for you, Poe. I want this."

He looked at you, searching for any sign of hesitation or deception. "Okay. But on one condition." He waited for you to nod before he continued, "Do you trust me? Because I'm not going to do this if it makes you uncomfortable."

You considered it for a moment. "Yes." Even if you didn't, it wouldn't have mattered, since he couldn't hurt you this way.

But, as you stared into his honest eyes, you did.

And who knew? Maybe the mission would go well, and he would come home, wanting more from you.

He kissed you gently, pulling you further into the room, and you wondered why you had been so scared in the first place. It seemed so silly now.

You hoped to stay in this mindset forever.

You felt his hands grabbing at the loose material of your shirt, stopping the kiss to look at you with the question of permission in his eyes. Your hands joined his to pull the shirt off. There was only one light on in the room, one he must have turned on when he woke up, but it gave enough light for him to see your top half completely bare to him.

"Come _on_." His tone made those two simple, common words seem so flattering as he slid his arms around you, leaning down to kiss along your chest. "I mean, I know I deserve this, being the best pilot in the Resistance and all, but I'm humbled."

You had started to get nervous, being this vulnerable in front of him, but his comment made you laugh. You pushed him back gently. "You don't know the meaning of the word." You stepped away from him so you could take off your pants, trying to do so smoothly. However, you forgot how awkward it could be, considering you usually took off your pants when you were alone and didn't care how ridiculous you looked.

But now Poe was watching and you found that you cared _a lot_.

So you blushed a little when you had to hop on one foot to get them off, then blushed a bit deeper when the fabric that pooled around your feet tripped you and made you grab onto Poe to keep yourself from falling on your face. "Sorry," you groaned.

"Don't worry, you're still hot. Hotter, even."

You laughed again and didn't stop, pressing your forehead to his chest as you tried to gain control of both your embarrassment and amusement. You felt Poe's chest rumble as he started to laugh with you.

It was a good minute before your and his laughter started to die down. You looked up at him, your cheeks still a little pink, but mostly from the exertion of laughing.

He was so gorgeous. Had he always been this beautiful? You'd known he was a wonderful man even when you tried to dislike him. You knew it even more when you gave into his charms. Now you were sure you had been missing out on something until this very moment.

You couldn't help feeling that you had wasted so much time.

Keeping hold of his shoulders so you didn't lose your balance, you carefully stepped out of your pants. You were left in your bottom undergarments, the fabric suddenly seeming like no more than a scrap as you became aware of it being the only thing covering you.

His eager hands went to the hem of said undergarment and you quickly stilled them. "You first." If things were going to get more vulnerable, he would join in. Did being naked even make him feel vulnerable?

"Okay. Sit."

You cautiously sat down on the foot of the bed, watching as he eased down the waistband of his pants. Should you be wearing goggles for this? You _had_ heard some rumors regarding his size.

The removal of his pants slowly showed that he was wearing nothing beneath. You held your breath.

His pants dropped and you let out a breath of relief.

"Oh, good." You didn't realize you said it out loud until he gave you a confused look. "Some people around base insist that you're twelve inches."

He looked horrified at the notion. "I'm pretty sure I'd be known for sending people to the med bay, not pleasing them."

"Stop making me laugh." You were smiling so widely, it hurt in the best way.

"But I've got a lot to make up for." He stepped out of his pants and moved to you, stroking your face as you looked up at him. "All those times you didn't laugh at my jokes?"

"Yeah, but we're about to have sex."

He knelt down between your knees, running his hands up and down your thighs. "You're supposed to laugh when you have sex. Have you done this before?"

"A few times."

"Did they leave you?" His face and tone had become a bit more serious, looking for reasons for your fear beyond what people said about him.

And perhaps there was something, but you didn't want to recall it. You wanted to put your trust in Poe and give in to your desires.

You held his face as you kissed him. He let it go, moving up so you had to scoot back on the bed. He didn't break the kiss until you were on your back and he was on top of you, looking into your eyes before he moved down your body.

He gave a light tug on your underwear and you lifted your hips so he could take them off easily. "— _shit_." He stared between your legs intently enough to make you blush, dropping your underwear on the foot of his bed, before letting his head rest on your thighs.

"Poe." You had to stop yourself from giggling as his curls tickled your thighs and...other places.

"You're gorgeous." He nudged your thighs with his nose, sitting up enough so he could spread your legs fully.

You didn't have time to be insecure or nervous before you felt Poe's tongue press up against your clit. You let out a few unsavory words in surprise, instinctively grabbing onto his hair tightly and pulling hard.

He groaned, quickly taking hold of your wrist and looking up at you. "I'm all for a little hair pulling, but I don't want it _ripped out_."

"Sorry...that just...felt really good..."

"I know." He smirked, licking at you slowly. He slipped a finger inside you, thrusting it just as slowly as his tongue was moving on your clit.

It wasn't until you were squirming, and trying to pull his head in closer, and realizing that 'slow' and 'torturous' were synonyms that he stopped, moving up to settle between your legs. "I want you wet. But, trust me, we'll be doing that in the future." He pressed his lips to yours and you took the opportunity to reach between you, stroking his cock. "Fu— sweetheart. I'm pretty hard already."

"I'm sorry I waited so long to do this."

"No. Don't say that."

"I was apologizing to myself."

He chuckled, then moaned softly at the feel of you touching his tip, lowering his head to kiss your breasts. "Keep this up and you'll have some damn embarrassing rumors to spread about me." His hand went over yours and pulled it away, gently setting it aside before he thrust his hips against yours. You both moaned. He guided your legs around his waist, one hand stroking your thigh while the other supported himself. "You're sure you want this?"

He was so sweet. _He wouldn't hurt you_.

"I can't stop now."

"You can stop whenever you want to."

You took hold of his face, kissing him softly. "I don't want to."

He adjusted himself slightly between your legs and you loosened them so you could reach down to line up his cock with your entrance, staring into his eyes as you did. He shivered, slowly easing his tip into you. You moved your hand to rest on his forearm as he squeezed your thigh tightly.

He was not twelve inches, thank the stars. But you were sure he was above average, or at least bigger than anyone you'd had before. The way he filled you was foreign and pleasurable at the same time.

A breathy moan came from him as he pushed deeper into you and his hand left your thigh, nearly slamming down on the mattress to support himself above you. He'd closed his eyes, mouth hanging open slightly, stilling inside you. " _Fuck_."

You bucked against him a little, enjoying the feeling of fullness and running your hands up and down his arms. Your arms slipped around him to touch his back, smoothing over his tensed shoulder blades. When he pulled out, he thrust back in so suddenly that it sent a jolt through you and caused you to dig your nails into his skin.

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

You shared a smile and he pressed his forehead to yours.

It wasn't long before he found a rhythm, whispering and groaning profanity, and sweet nothings, and your name. You were enjoying it, though not to his extent. It definitely felt nice and you liked being so close to him, but without the proper stimulation, it wasn't what he was feeling.

He seemed to know this, moving his hand between the two of you. Noticing how awkward the angle was, your hand followed, and he quickly pushed it away.

"You...shouldn't have to." He panted, seeming to think for a second, before he pulled out and suddenly rolled onto his back, pulling you with him. You gasped at the sudden movement and moaned when he guided you back onto his cock. He moved your hips until you got a hold of your own rhythm, then his hand went between your legs. He didn't even have to stroke you, your movements making you grind down on his fingers.

Being so turned on already — by his tongue, and his fingers, and his dick, and his face, and his moans, and his _everything_ — made your orgasm approach quicker than it would have otherwise. A tingling feeling that came and went over your clit and lightly throughout the rest of your body took control of you; you thrust down onto him fast and hard, grinding against his fingers almost desperately. You _had_ to get that feeling to its peak.

"Yes, yes, _yes_." The feeling controlled your mouth, too.

 _This_ was melting. Completely falling apart, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and out of control for someone.

You were glad the person you were melting on top of was looking at you with quite possibly the most lustful, pleased look in his eyes. No triumphant gaze from getting what he wanted, no judgement for your desperation.

Not that you noticed, really, as the tingling sensation joined with a delightful sort of numbness. You squeezed around him lightly as your body's blissful warning before the feeling released itself, making you clench around his cock again and again. You had stopped moving as it took you over, biting your lip and moaning, and Poe rubbed your clit fast to extend your orgasm as a _glorious_ added bonus.

"Sorry, but I've gotta..." He grabbed onto you and you were only half-aware of him turning you both over so he was on top again. A couple hard, sloppy thrusts was all it took for him to come inside you with a loud moan.

He practically collapsed then, his face pressed against your skin between your neck and your shoulder. It was a sweaty, warm, too close and heavy embrace, but neither of you dared to move. You both had to recover from the overwhelming feelings that came with climax, so you just listened to each other's harsh panting.

You nuzzled Poe's hair when you fully returned to your senses, now feeling quite satisfied and sleepy, and slightly embarrassed thanks to the hormones filling you. "That was..."

"Amazing." He pressed a few kisses along your shoulder. He looked up at you with dazed, tired eyes and a lazy smile.

He pulled out of you and laid back, tugging you to his side. You should have expected it, since he enjoyed touching so much.

"Sorry I woke you." You rested your head on his chest, blinking slowly.

"Again, not complaining. Just don't ask for another round yet."

You smiled, looking up at him as much as you could without changing your position to see that he had his eyes closed. It was barely a moment before his breathing turned steady, signaling that he had fallen asleep.

You, no longer kept up by your fears and now encouraged by the rising and falling of his chest, soon followed.

You decided to chalk up your fear to liking Poe too much. You just didn't want to see him go or put himself in danger. His mission would go well and he would come back quickly; safe, and sound, and still wanting you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't get it, because there were plenty of kisses in this chapter, the first one reader gave to Poe was the desperate one based on the prompt.


	9. goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he put on his jacket, you knew it was getting close to him leaving.
> 
> "Stay."
> 
> He looked over at you, his features soft, before he moved to you and knelt down in front of you. "I can't. This mission is...pretty damn important."
> 
> "I know." You stroked his hair and his face, smiling slightly when he turned his head to kiss your palm. "But I don't feel right about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say. This one's a little sad okay. Enjoy!

You'd woken up in Poe's arms, all fears assuaged.

No, not all fears. The dread you had about his mission came back full force now that you weren't in the haze of post-sex bliss.

And he wouldn't stop kissing you, which scared you. Like he wanted to soak in all of you to remember, much like you had done the night before.

Once he woke up, he had kissed you until he needed to start getting ready, but still kept kissing you as he got dressed and you sat at the foot of his bed, wrapped up in his sheet.

He pulled on his shirt and kissed you.

The fastening of his pants was followed by a kiss.

He secured his boots. Two kisses.

When he put on his jacket, you knew it was getting close to him leaving.

"Stay."

He looked over at you, his features soft, before he moved to you and knelt down in front of you. "I can't. This mission is...pretty damn important."

"I know." You stroked his hair and his face, smiling slightly when he turned his head to kiss your palm. "But I don't feel right about it."

"You just don't want to see this gorgeous face get busted up."

"Poe, I'm serious."

He sighed, getting up to sit next to you. "Look, let me tell you what's gonna happen. I'm going to get in my ship and go on this mission, and succeed with flying colors because that's what I do. I'm the best pilot in the Resistance." He ignored the roll of your eyes. "I'll be back within a week, then you know what happens? I keep you in bed until one of us has another mission. Okay?"

"—okay."

His hand moved to the back of your neck, pulling you close and kissing you deeply. He looked into your eyes when he ended the kiss. "You don't even believe me, do you?"

"Sorry."

"Stubborn."

"Arrogant."

"Obstinate."

"Cocksure."

"You're sure of it now."

"Poe!"

* * *

 

Why were there tears in your eyes? Poe would be fine. He was just leaving for a few days and you two were new to being lovers, so there was no need to cry.

That didn't change the fact that you were trying your hardest not to as you watched him get into his X-wing. Everyone around you was wishing him luck while you forced your chin not to quiver.

What was _wrong_ with you? What was it about this mission that made you so emotional? Was it just because you were closer with Poe now?

You started to back out of the small crowd of Resistance members. You could not break down and let yourself be vulnerable in front of so many, especially Poe. He didn't need to see you weeping for such ridiculous, empty reasons.

The hangar had several compartments for ships and you found an empty one, pressing to the wall that separated it from the next one and closing your eyes. "Get a grip." You took a few deep breaths, calming yourself down. "You're being emotional. It's probably just—"

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You jumped, opening your eyes in surprise to see Poe walking up to you. "What are you doing back here? Everyone's supposed to be watching you leave."

"I told them I forgot something. What had you running off like that?" He sighed when all you did was look away. "You're still worried about it. Did you ever think that maybe you just like me too much and don't want me to go?"

 _Yes. A hundred times, and I'm still not convinced that's it_. You kept that to yourself, slowly meeting his gaze. "You can take me up on that offer of going with you."

His eyes darkened slightly. "I told you no. I don't want anyone coming with me." His look softened after a moment and he moved closer, lightly running his fingertips across the line of your jaw. "Kiss me, 'cause I'm not gonna feel those lips for a few days."

You did as requested, mostly because that fear from the night before was stronger than it was.

"Bye, sweetheart," he said as he pulled away. You grabbed his hand and he looked back at you. "It'll be fine. I'll be back to annoy you before you know it."

You let him go, watching him walk away.

And you kept trying to convince yourself you were worried for nothing.


	10. in public

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were finally no longer afraid of Poe leaving you.
> 
> And he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping this chapter conveys what I wanted it to convey. I feel like it's a mess, but so is reader's head rn. Enjoy!

How foolish of you, to believe that Poe _having_ to leave would have been better than Poe abandoning you on purpose.

If he had left you and pretended nothing had ever happened, it would have hurt. You could easily imagine the awkwardness — at least on your part — that would bloom whenever you two would be thrown together for a mission or cross each other's paths.

He would still be there, though. You would see his ship ahead of yours while approaching whatever planet you had a mission on. You would pass his table in the dining hall, and watch him fix his X-wing in maintenance, and listen to him show off to those around him. He would be there, and though it would hurt, it would be okay.

But Poe didn't leave of his own volition. He went on a mission by himself, with kisses and promises that he would return.

You had worried about the mission. Something just didn't feel right about it. It was too important for him to stay and you had to watch him go, trying desperately to convince yourself that you just wanted him to be with you. That had to be all it was.

You decided to imagine what would happen when he returned. He mentioned keeping you in bed once he was back, which made certain feelings stir within you. You could stay in bed together, couldn't you? You would kiss him, assuming he still wanted you to. You would make sure to focus on his pleasure like he had for you. The thought of sweet conversations and gentle touches beneath the stars had you feeling all sorts of dreamy, as well as thoughts of where your relationship could go. What did he dream of for his future? What did _you_ dream of?

You had hung around the comm room after he left, listening as he told where he was up until he landed and was going to meet with someone. He went silent after that and you forced yourself not to worry. You knew whatever he was doing would take time.

An hour passed and you told yourself it could take a fair amount of time.

Three hours passed and General Organa tried to get in contact with him to no avail. Your worry had been there the whole time, but you could no longer force it down when everyone around you was starting to get concerned.

No one gave up until after night had fallen and everyone _knew_. It had been too long for the outcome to be good, though the general promised everyone that they would try again in the morning.

You, panicking and pacing, sneaked back into the room after everyone had gone to get some rest. You tried every half hour, for a few hours, to get in contact with him. You said his name, you begged, you threatened, and nothing ever came of it.

You were finally no longer afraid of Poe leaving you.

And he did.

You hadn't wanted to melt because all you could think about was him leaving you, but you hadn't realized just how awful it would feel to have him stay, only to lose him.

If Poe had tossed you aside, it would have broken your heart.

This made it feel like it was torn right out of your chest.

He had just been an acquaintance, once. Your commander, whose personality rubbed you the wrong way most of the time, whose attempts at conversations were waved off so you wouldn't fall for him like every other Resistance member. When his ship had crashed that one day, it hurt, though you were not as close. You wished you had been kinder, that you had kissed him.

And you _were_ kinder, and you _did_ kiss him, and you did so much more with him, which made this loss all the worse. You grew beyond accustomed to his presence, beyond fond of him. You built something with him and now all its potential was gone.

He was gone, more than likely. His face, his hair, his laugh, his compassion, his bravery, his ego, his tenderness, his jokes.

His _jokes_. You should have laughed at more of them. You should have kissed him sooner and joined his bed sooner. You should have melted the moment you first met him, just so you could get every possible second with him.

How could you have been stupid enough to waste all that time? Now you would never see his ship ahead of yours or pass by him in the dining hall. Seeing him awkwardly would have been far better than never seeing him at all. You should have just melted.

You thought if you slept with him before he left, you would have no regrets. You would know him completely after pushing it aside fearfully for so long and be content with that, should anything happen.

Yet you were filled with them; so full that they tried to spill from your eyes.

You couldn't let them. No, life went on as usual. The Resistance had things to fight and it was not acceptable for you to fall apart. General Organa, who practically regarded him as a son, yes. The other pilots, who had good relationships with him, yes. But you? The one who rolled your eyes and hid your fondness for him? You had no right. No one knew how you really felt, because you had been so stubborn about the fact that they would judge you.

You should have cared less. Should have, should have, should have.

No longer could.

Of course, with emotions so deep and wide, keeping them hidden was difficult. It was bound to come out in one way or another.

All it took to tip you over the edge was that one part of your dashboard breaking. The one Poe had fixed, and then he had kissed you, and you made him cover it up like an idiot who should have spent less time worrying and more time embracing what you had.

You tried to fix it, hands fumbling, tears in your eyes that should have been from frustration rather than the vast emptiness that came with having your heart unexpectedly torn out. It wouldn't have been unexpected, had you fully fallen into your feelings before he left.

Snap climbed up to see what you were doing and, upon assuming you were frustrating yourself, offered to help. He grabbed the piece.

"Don't!" You snatched it back, glaring at him. "Poe already fixed it! He—" You felt the tears starting to fall, eyes widening, and you quickly clambered out of the cockpit.

You just about broke apart as soon as you were alone. You had tried to rationalize with yourself when he left, that your relationship was too new to feel so upset. You now realized you may have given into him in some ways, but were still too stubborn to do so in others. You were too stubborn to realize just how deeply you felt for him.

And now it was too late.

You tried to avoid everyone after that. You were sure they were looking at you like they knew. Suddenly, you no longer felt ashamed of what you and Poe had, but the way they looked at you hurt. Was it pity because you lost the relationship? Was it disappointment because you had treated him so terribly? Were they even looking at you at all?

You were wallowing in your room when someone knocked. You planned to ignore it, but they kept going, louder and faster, until you finally got up and opened it.

"Snap?"

"Hangar. Now."

He ran off, leaving you confused. It sounded urgent enough, though, that you put on a pair of boots and ran after him.

Pretty much everyone was out in the hangar, surrounding someone or something. You stayed back and tried every angle to get a peek, but there were too many there for you to be able to catch a look of what had them all in a dither.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Someone broke through the crowd, coming to a halt when they saw you.

You tensed. You blinked a few times. Hope that you thought had disappeared forever was suddenly rushing back into you. "Poe?"

He was grinning as he said your name, running to you and catching you around the middle, kissing you passionately before you had time to react.

He was safe. He was _here_. You reached up and felt his face beneath your fingertips, felt his lips against yours, the warmth of his body on you. You _couldn't_ react. You were too shocked, and relieved, and happy, and every other feeling that existed.

"Oh, shit. Sorry."

You furrowed your brow, trying to catch up, and saw that the crowd behind him was staring at you now. Oh. They had seen you kiss, hadn't they?

You had so many regrets. Denying him for so long, being too stubborn, hiding the beauty that was having him from everyone.

All your 'should haves' were suddenly 'coulds' again.

You tightened your grip on his face and pressed your lips hard against his. He seemed surprised, but soon returned it when he realized what you were doing.

Being a puddle seemed a hell of a lot less scary than you imagined it to be.

When you pulled away, you were confused to see pain in his eyes. Maybe you had been right long before and now he no longer wanted you. But hadn't he kissed you first?

You noticed his face as you stared at him. His bottom lip was split on the right side, he had a small gash under his eye on the same side, and there was far too much dried blood on his left temple. "Poe! I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"Hey. It's okay. I'm fine." He kissed your forehead. "I'm just glad to see you."

There came those tears again. You refused to let them fall in front of him. "I thought you were dead."

"Ah, you can't get rid of me that easily."

"Let's get you to the med bay."

"No time. I've gotta try to find BB-8."

"At least let me clean you up a little."

"No time."

You gripped his arms tightly, giving him a look. "Poe, these past couple of days, I thought that you were _dead_. The least you could do is let me clean up your injuries that were given to you by who knows what."

"If it keeps you from breaking my arms, okay." He gently grabbed onto your arms in return to ease your grip. "Were you broken up about me?"

You looked into his eyes, then took hold of his hand, turning away to lead him into the base. A moment passed before you felt his hand lifting yours as he moved his arm to wrap around your shoulders. You hardly even hesitated, really, to lean into his side.

It was so nice to have him back. To know he was there. You could make everything right, you could find out what he dreamed of, you could relish in every bit of him that you had feared you would never experience again.

And you weren't going to let anything mess it up. Yourself or otherwise.


	11. to gain something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where else am I supposed to look?"
> 
> "It's not where you're looking, it's how you're looking." It was suspiciously like you were a starry sky and he'd been let outside after being locked away all his life. Which couldn't be, since you felt that way about him in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter. Enjoy!

Poe was sitting in the empty dining hall, his legs spread enough to allow you to stand between them so you could get better access to his face, gently cleaning blood away with a damp bit of cloth. You'd cleaned him up enough that you could now see the cuts on his lip and cheek, and you were now working on his temple.

He kept staring at you.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"You know like what!"

"Where else am I supposed to look?"

"It's not _where_ you're looking, it's _how_ you're looking." It was suspiciously like you were a starry sky and he'd been let outside after being locked away all his life. Which couldn't be, since you felt that way about him in that moment.

"Fine." He forced a glare. "Better?"

You gave a light laugh, scrubbing some blood out of his hair. He flinched and sucked in a breath, and you immediately froze. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He paused for a moment. "You know, there was a second...just one second." His tone got a little defensive as he looked at you reassuringly. "'Cause I knew I'd get out of there. But there was a second where I thought I'd never see you again."

"How do you think I felt?"

He reached up to stroke your sides and it felt like he was apologizing through his fingertips.

"So," You set the cloth aside and sat on his thigh, "who do I have to kill? Who kept you from me?"

"Who do you think? And don't you dare. I don't want you anywhere near them." His eyes held such genuine care, it was hard to argue. "Am I all fixed up, doc? I've gotta find my droid."

You held him down by the shoulders when he tried to ease you off his lap and stand. "Take me with you." You gave him a gentle kiss before he could deny you. "Take the whole squadron with you."

"I don't know..."

"Something might happen." You kissed him again. "I'm not letting you get taken."

"I don't want to put you in that." But he had his eyes closed and seemed quite relaxed.

Another kiss, while you cupped his face. "Poe, I've been holding my own for a very long time, you know? You can't ground me just because you like me."

"I'm your commander." He opened his eyes, smiling innocently when he saw the look you were giving him. "And we'd probably find BB-8 faster if the entire squadron comes."

You pressed your lips to his and got up, grabbing his hands to pull him with you. "Come on, we have a droid to find."


	12. good morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Poe...Dameron...I'm...gonna—" Your nearly breathless words were interrupted with a yelp as you started to fall right off the edge of the bed.
> 
> But he was there, catching you around the middle and quickly pulling you back up. He had laid back down, pressed against your back, his cheek on yours so you could feel him smiling even though he was breathing as hard as you were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys want cuteness AND slight angst? Yes? Good!

You woke up to gentle tickling sensations all over your face and neck.

The past few days had definitely been...exciting. First, your search for BB-8 lead to an attack on some of the First Order. When you returned to the base, there the little droid was, much to Poe's absolute joy. You greeted it with some well-received love — to have a relationship with Poe was to have a relationship with BB-8, not that you minded. You loved the droid before you ever gave the pilot your attention — before watching in confusion as Poe ran over to hug a man you didn't know. He was wearing his jacket.

Poe gestured for you to come over and you did, being introduced to the man. Finn. He had been mentioned as you prepared to go out to find BB-8, the stormtrooper who saved Poe from the First Order.

Your hug surprised him, but he was sweet enough to return it.

That's when things went into gear. Plans were made and before you knew it, your whole squadron and another were going to attack the Starkiller Base, trying to take out their oscillator. Far too many pilots were lost, one by one, until the last few of you finally destroyed the weapon with a little — lot of — help.

The mission was successful and you returned to the base, where the map to Luke Skywalker was finally completed. Finn was critically hurt, and though you didn't know him well, you found yourself worried about him. It was quite easy to feel compassion for him.

Even so, nothing could be done except for waiting, so the Resistance celebrated their success against the First Order.

You were sure only a handful of people weren't already full of alcohol by late night. Every room was loud and happy, which was rubbing off on you despite only having had a couple drinks.

Snap and Jess were regaling stories that had you laughing when a slightly tipsy Poe came over and slipped his hand into yours, whispering in your ear.

_I really wanna have you right now._

You didn't realize you were blushing until you noticed the disgusted look from Jess and the almost giddy look from Snap. Most _definitely_ drunk, that one.

You tried to be subtle, but you practically ran out with Poe to his quarters.

It was long-awaited sex and good despite both of you having slightly off hand-eye coordination; sloppy, but satisfying.

It was even better the next morning. And the few times after that.

And now you were waking up a couple days later, working on the promise Poe made of keeping you in bed until there was another mission.

You opened your eyes to find that the tickling sensation was Poe's lips.

"Morning." He mumbled against your jawline, nibbling there gently.

You gave a shiver before he pulled away. You turned on your side to face him, running your fingers through his hair and smiling at him sleepily. "Good morning." You trailed your hand down to his cheek and ran your thumb over his lips, which he kissed. "You're healing up nicely."

"Are you disappointed? I know you like me all roughed up."

"Oh, shush." You moved your hand so you could kiss him, flinching slightly. "You need to shave."

"But I'm handsome and rugged."

"You leave marks on me."

His smug smirk was worrisome. "Wait until you see your thighs."

"What?" You lifted the covers to see that the inside of your thighs were irritated from where his stubble had rubbed against them the night before. "You're despicable."

"Ah, you love it." His hand found your side, where he tickled your ribs.

You let out something between a laugh and a shout, sliding away from him. "Don't you dare!"

"You're ticklish?" The fiendish gleam in his eye was far more worrisome than his smirk. "How did I not realize this before?"

"Don't even think about—"

He was sitting up and attacking your sides before you could even stop him, sending you into an involuntary fit of laughter. You pushed at his hands, trying to squirm away, hearing his own amused laughter mixing with yours.

"Poe...Dameron...I'm...gonna—" Your nearly breathless words were interrupted with a yelp as you started to fall right off the edge of the bed.

But he was there, catching you around the middle and quickly pulling you back up. He had laid back down, pressed against your back, his cheek on yours so you could feel him smiling even though he was breathing as hard as you were.

He nuzzled your cheek once you had both calmed down a little, kissing over it until his lips reached your ear and he whispered, "Take me inside you."

A groan fell from your lips. You didn't need to be told twice, reaching back to move your hand between his legs. You had just barely touched him when the door suddenly slid open and a pilot ran in, panting.

"General Organa gave me clearance! First Order ships. Evacuation," he said quickly, seeming to take no notice of your situation.

"Damn it." Poe was shamelessly out of the bed in an instant. "How long do we have?"

"A couple hours, at most."

"Okay, tell everyone to get ready to fly. I'll be there as soon as I can." He pulled on a pair of pants as the pilot ran out, grabbing his shirt.

You were up as soon as it was just the two of you, gathering some clothes from the floor. You weren't sure if you'd even put any on since the night of celebration, but you didn't have time to get new ones.

When you were dressed and tried to follow Poe, he turned around to stop you.

"Stay here. Evacuate."

"Poe, you can't ground me just—"

"Just because I like you. I know. This isn't because I like you." His hands moved to your face, cupping your cheeks, his grip a little tight with desperation. "This is because if I lose you up there, I'm never gonna forgive myself. They're ruthless. This is the most dangerous thing we could go up against." His eyes met yours. "Please do this for me."

You bit your lip, hands moving to his wrists. "Okay. But you have to come back."

"I will. I'll come back." He suddenly enveloped you into a tight hug, holding you as close as he could. "I'll come back."

You closed your eyes against the tears that came to them, breathing in his scent and soaking up his warmth. Then you forced yourself to pull away. "Go."

He kissed your forehead and ran out.

You busied yourself with helping the base evacuate so you could try to keep from crying.

You failed, but at least no one commented on the tears falling down your cheeks as you gathered everything you could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I get the timeline and events of the Force Awakens right? I haven't watched it recently oops.


	13. out of anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your anger wasn't really anger. Anger is never just anger. It was a product of the worry and fear, but it was strong nonetheless.
> 
> Did you like him so much that you had forgotten his arrogance? No. You liked him so much that even his flaws were charming. You were far too smitten.
> 
> And now here you were, in disbelief that he could be that reckless. Had he even thought about what he was doing? What would happen? How it might affect him, and his squadron, and the Resistance, and you?
> 
> You didn't want to be fuming the way you were, but he had left you terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the cutest chapter, but hey. Relationships aren't always cute.

It was funny, at first.

General Organa had allowed you to listen in on Poe's progress while the Raddus prepared to evacuate D'Qar, knowing just as well as everyone else — though it felt like she somehow knew more — how you felt about each other.

You had to cover your mouth to stifle your laughter as Poe taunted the First Order's general, calling him 'Hugs' and acting as if he couldn't hear him.

It really was funny.

But only at first.

"You did it, Poe," General Organa said proudly after the squadron had succeeded in what they'd been sent up to do. "Now get your squad back here so we can get _out_ of this place."

"No, General, we can do this!" His words had you tensing and Leia's smile falling. "We have the chance to take out a dreadnought! These things are fleet killers! We can't let it get away!"

"Disengage _now_ , Commander, that is an _order_."

You moved closer to the comm, your worry evident. "Poe Dameron, you better get your ass back here right now." You weren't as refined as your general and you hoped she wouldn't be angry about it. "—Poe?" There was no response. He'd cut off communication.

"Wipe that nervous expression off your face, 3PO." You heard General Organa say to the droid standing nearby.

"Oh! Well, I will certainly try, General." The droid turned away, then looked back. "Nervous?"

You tried to do the same, backing away and running a hand over your face. It was practically a suicide mission; not just for Poe, but for everyone up there.

It felt far too long before someone said, "Direct hit! Dreadnought down!"

Everyone cheered, but you couldn't bear to join them. You could see on a display screen how many ships were taken out.

How many _people_ were taken out.

Were you relieved that they succeeded? Absolutely. Were you worried and upset as hell, and starting to grow a little angry because of it? Definitely.

By the time the ship made it to safety and Poe showed his ass up, you were practically boiling, so you moved to the other side of the room.

Your anger wasn't _really_ anger. Anger is never just anger. It was a product of the worry and fear, but it was strong nonetheless.

Did you like him so much that you had forgotten his arrogance? No. You liked him so much that even his flaws were charming. You were far too smitten.

And now there you were, in disbelief that he could be _that_ reckless. Had he even thought about what he was doing? What would happen? How it might affect him, and his squadron, and the Resistance, and _you_?

You didn't want to be fuming the way you were, but he had left you _terrified_.

You watched as General Organa slapped him — rightfully. You heard her demote him to captain — rightfully. With everything she told him, he looked more irritated, and even grabbed her arm when she started to walk away. What was going on with him?

When the conversation was over, his eyes found you and he had a look of relief as he walked over.

You were sure you were still relieved, somewhere deep down, but anger was far too powerful of an emotion to let it surface.

"She _demoted_ me." He didn't seem at all fazed by your silence and the way you crossed your arms. "I could really use a kiss right now."

You were going to regret this when you calmed down. You knew that. Still, you did it anyway; you slammed your lips so hard against his that he yelped in pain.

"Ow!" He looked completely surprised and offended. "What was that for?"

"What the hell were you thinking?" Your anger-laced words were spoken in a hushed tone, not wanting to cause a scene. "You defied General Organa. This is the most reckless thing you could have possibly done."

He looked away. "Come on, don't you do this to me, too."

"People died, Poe!" Tears were gathering in your eyes, the anger returning to the root of how scared you had been. You knew it would fade at some point. " _You_ could have died, and you promised you would come back to me." How could the anger fade so quickly and how could your tears come so quickly?

Damn it, he deserved a lecture. You managed to give him half of one before your more tender emotions came out to play.

"Hey...I'm right here." He pulled you close, holding you to his chest. "We took out a dreadnought. I did what I needed to do."

You closed your eyes. Why did he have to make it so hard to be pissed at him? He was cocky, but he'd been trying to do good. "I know you think that." You were gripping his flight suit tightly, fingers digging into his back. "But you shouldn't have done it. Can't you just admit that?"

He stayed silent.

You forgave him, of course, as you were sure General Organa had. But could you let this slip by like it was nothing? Was trying to do the right thing a valid excuse for doing the wrong one?

You had no time to think about it as an alarm went off and Poe was untangling from you, running to see what was going on.

You stayed back, seeing Finn awake and well, giving him a weak smile as you stood next to him.

The First Order had found you somehow, and you supposed there was no time to be disciplinary with Poe right now.

Maybe being demoted would be enough to make him cool down whatever was bringing on this cocky attitude that was even a little much for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to find the right balance between "Poe did a bad thing", "It's understandable but not excusable that Poe did a bad thing", and "BUT POE WHY DID YOU DO THE BAD THING".


	14. discreetly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He grunted in response and you wondered if the rest of your life was going to be like this whenever he was grumpy.
> 
> The rest of your life?
> 
> Were you going to spend the rest of your life with Poe?
> 
> You decided you didn't have time to think about that right now, filing it away for later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of cute?

Within the next several minutes, you saw that General Organa held nothing against Poe, and you decided not to either.

Except for the fact that you were scared he wouldn't come back.

But you felt so much for him, you were starting to be grateful that he was there, even if he was kind of an idiot. Maybe you would give him a hard time later, once the current action was over, if you remembered.

You could give him a hard time in bed, vent your frustrations by riding him like a—

Now was _not_ the time. Poe had received permission to 'jump in an X-wing and blow something up' and there was no way in hell that you would be letting him out of your sight again.

He glanced back at you when he realized you were running behind him and BB-8. "What are you doing?"

"You think I'm letting you go without my supervision? Twice now, you've gotten in trouble, and I'm not putting up with it again!"

"You're not wearing your suit!"

"I'll borrow one!"

He huffed, looking ahead as he turned down a hallway. "Don't wait for me! Jump in and fire her up!"

BB-8 sped up, rolling into the ship hangar. As soon as Poe ran in, there was a large explosion that threw him right back into the corridor.

"Poe!" You raced to him, shielding yourself from the debris flying everywhere as you dropped to your knees beside him. You cringed at the way BB-8 came roughly bouncing out behind him. "Poe, are you okay?"

"Somehow..." He groaned. "I hurt my _dick_."

You would have laughed at the way he cupped himself, were it not for the obliterated room in front of you. A room that had been full of ships. And pilots.

Someone was suddenly next to you; it was Finn, grabbing onto Poe. "Are you guys alright?"

"Poe hurt his dick." Your words sounded so detached, so empty. The Resistance was losing people left and right, and you couldn't really retaliate.

"We need to get out of range of those Star Destroyers."

Everything else happened so quickly.

Another blast had you losing all your leadership. The only one remaining was General Organa, who was left unconscious by the attack.

Before you knew it, you were in a meeting, pressed against Poe's side with teary eyes as D'Acy relayed all the bad news.

"To that end, the chain of command is clear as to who should take her place."

You felt Poe perk up under the assumption it would be him.

"Vice Admiral Holdo of the cruiser Ninka."

His hand found your knee, squeezing it tightly enough to make you jump. Something was clearly going on with his ego, and you were going to get to the bottom of it when you had the time.

For now, you just needed to calm him down.

"Hey." You made sure no one was watching so you wouldn't get in trouble, before running your hand up his back until you reached the nape of his neck, stroking his hair. "You were demoted, remember?" You nuzzled where his jaw met his neck, pressing a subtle kiss there.

He grunted in response and you wondered if the rest of your life was going to be like this whenever he was grumpy.

The rest of your life?

Were you going to spend the rest of your life with Poe?

You decided you didn't have time to think about that right now, filing it away for later.

Holdo gave a powerful speech that seemed pretty perfect, but Poe was all but disgusted when she finished. He looked at another pilot, then at you, practically sneering.

" _That's_ Admiral Holdo? Battle of Chyron Belt Admiral Holdo?" He got an answer from an alien pilot to your left. "Not what I expected."

"Gender-wise?"

He looked caught off guard by your question. "No. She just...no." He was quick to get up, though, and follow after the admiral. You followed behind to make sure he didn't get himself in deeper trouble.

And he started explaining things to her like she was an idiot, which you couldn't imagine her getting put in charge if she didn't know what she was doing.

She met him and challenged his cockiness, though. You would have felt bad for him, the way she pointed out his demotion over what he did, were you not embarrassed by how he was acting.

He'd always been a prideful man, but never like this. _Never_ like this.

"I've dealt with _plenty_ of trigger-happy flyboys like you. You're impulsive. _Dangerous_. And the last thing we need right now. So stick to your _post_ and follow my orders."

Okay, now you felt kind of bad. Your hand went to his back and you could _feel_ how much he was holding back in the tenseness of his muscles.

Admiral Holdo's gaze went to you and you were slightly afraid that you were about to be torn apart verbally, too. "Y/N, right? You're a...pilot?"

You opened your mouth and found yourself too scared to speak, so you simply smiled and gave a nod.

"Keep up the good work."

What good work? You'd hardly gotten to do anything lately thanks to Poe preventing you from flying and then the ships being destroyed.

Maybe being a polite, obedient person was good work.

Or, based on the fact that Poe was still incredibly tense beneath your touch even after Holdo walked away, maybe your good work was keeping him somewhat reined in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps we'll find out what's going on with Poe in the next chapter.


	15. as comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn't stop until you were sure you were out of earshot. "Tell me what's going on."
> 
> "What's going on? She's about to get us obliterated with her—"
> 
> "No! Tell me what's going on with you." You moved to make him keep eye contact with you when he tried to look away, his hands going to his hips. "You know you're being too reckless. First with defying the general to do something so dangerous, now to call Admiral Holdo a traitor like that? I know you're prideful and you like to jump into things head first, but this is low. Tell me what's going on."
> 
> "We don't have time for this." He turned and walked into the room you'd been in before, making it only a few steps before you were grabbing his arm and turning him back around to face you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe's attitude: explained.

"This was a bad idea."

"Stop saying that."

"They're taking too long. Who knows what could happen to them?"

Poe turned away from the window to look at you, his expression only slightly frustrated beyond the concern he was trying to hide. "It's fine. Finn and Rose can handle themselves, okay?"

You weren't convinced. It was just them and a droid, off to sneak around the First Order, while Poe was waiting to put the ship into lightspeed and you kept saying that you were not a part of this plan.

You were most definitely a part of this plan, or at least there to help in case something went wrong. But you didn't want to admit it because that meant if it _did_ go wrong, then you were an accomplice and you imagined getting exiled to some abandoned planet with Poe, Finn, and Rose.

Which could be fun, though you weren't sure you wanted to find out.

"I know, but it's been a while. We're losing more of our fleet with each passing second...we should see what Admiral Holdo has planned."

"She's probably too busy acting high and mighty to do a damn thing." The bitterness in his voice was obvious as he stalked away from the window.

"Poe." You stepped in front of him, leaning into his chest. "Maybe we should find out what her plan is so it doesn't fuck up our— _your_ plan."

"—you're right."

He then walked swiftly past you, practically storming out of the room with determination.

Maybe you should have just gone by yourself.

You quickly ran after him with a little regret for allowing him the option of being anywhere near Admiral Holdo.

"She in there?"

D'Acy was standing in the doorway. "The admiral's banned you from the bridge. Let's not have a scene."

"No, let's." He walked by her like it was nothing, and you followed with an apologetic smile.

The woman was kind enough to look at you like she understood that you had nothing to do with the way Poe was acting.

"Holdo!"

"Captain, you're not allowed in here!"

Admiral Holdo turned her head, looking annoyed. "Flyboy."

"Cut it, lady." Poe stopped and stood with all possible machismo, and, wow, you should not have suggested this. "We had a fleet, now we're down to one ship, and you've told us nothing!" He approached her with you close behind, holding onto his jacket just in case. "Tell us," He gestured to you and everyone else on the bridge. "That we have a plan! That there's hope!"

He was just supposed to be here to make sure she had a plan, that it wouldn't interfere with the secret one, yet he was so angry. You'd never seen Poe this angry. Had you witnessed his anger at all?

"When I served under Leia, she would say, hope is like the sun." She was so calm and levelheaded, while a frustrated Poe was looking at you like she was insane. You understood why he was on edge, but it was really getting to be a bit much. "If you only believe in it when you can see it—"

"—you'll never make it through the night." He finished for her reluctantly.

"Yes."

His sigh was so heavy and his hand found yours with a tight grip that you could tell he needed as some sort of support.

He seemed to be just about to give up on his ego trip when his eyes caught something on a screen and he paused. "—are you fueling up the transports? You are." He released your hand, going up to look at the screen. "All of them? We're _abandoning_ ship." The emotion was so clear in his voice that it almost hurt. "Is that it? That's what you got? That's what you brought us to?"

He was suddenly turning and shoving a chair over, practically screaming, "Coward!"

You jumped, not just from his outburst, but also from someone preparing to shoot him. The admiral stopped them, thankfully. You wondered how far Poe could go before she would let them take action. "Poe."

"Those transport ships are unarmed, unshielded! We abandon this cruiser, we're done! We don't stand a chance! No, you are _not_ just a coward, you are a traitor!" He pointed at Holdo, staring her down with nearly terrifying anger.

"Get this man off my bridge."

Two guards moved to do just that, but you held a hand up. "Poe Dameron!" Now you were most definitely angry, from many things. He had called Holdo a traitor, and even though her plan was terrible, that was far too harsh. You were confused. You were scared. Not scared of him, not really. Scared of why he was being like this.

How he could possibly be like this.

You had never experienced this level of fierce anger from Poe and you hadn't even known he was capable of it, so there _had_ to be something deeper.

You approached him, one hand on his back and the other grabbing his arm tightly, leading him out into the hallway. He was still nearly in a rage, though he made no attempts to lash out at you, meaning this was definitely more. There was not some change that simply turned him into a cruel man.

You didn't stop until you were sure you were out of earshot. "Tell me what's going on."

"What's going on? She's about to get us _obliterated_ with her—"

"No! Tell me what's going on with _you_." You moved to make him keep eye contact with you when he tried to look away, his hands going to his hips. "You know you're being too reckless. First with defying the general to do something so dangerous, now to call Admiral Holdo a traitor like that? I know you're prideful and you like to jump into things head first, but this is _low_. Tell me what's going on."

"We don't have time for this." He turned and walked into the room you'd been in before, making it only a few steps before you were grabbing his arm and turning him back around to face you.

"Make time! If you just tell me, this will only take a few seconds."

"Drop it." He yanked his arm away, moving over to the communication device. "We need to find out what Finn and Rose are doing."

"For the love of..." Your hands ran over your face and your fingers raked through your hair in frustration. "How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life with you if you won't open up to me when you're suffering?"

Oh. So you were going to spend the rest of your life with him. If he'd have you.

He froze, then his shoulders drooped and his head lowered. There was a long moment of silence where he was breathing heavily and you were trying not to cry from how much he was destroying because of whatever pain he was hiding.

When he finally spoke, it was so soft that you nearly missed it, "What's the point?"

"—what?" Brow furrowed, you slowly walked to him.

"We lose everybody, no matter what. So what's the point?" His voice hitched with emotion, making him pause for a moment as he gathered himself. "If I can take out a dreadnought, I'm taking out a dreadnought. If I can take down the First Order, I'm taking down the First Order. Everyone's rolling over and taking it, but I'm not gonna do that. I'm doing whatever I can before they destroy what's left of us."

And just like that, you understood completely. He was scared. He was tired. He fought and fought, only to lose what he was fighting for, and now with nearly nothing, he was giving the fight everything he had before there was nothing _to_ fight for.

He was acting this way because he was terrified that you would all be taken out if he didn't do something; that nobody else would do enough. He wasn't being prideful. Reckless, yes, but in a terrified way. In the way that he _absolutely needed_ to take down as much as he could to stop the losses since no one was trying hard enough. He was being sacrificial and making an insane attempt at bravery, as if he alone could save everyone else.

He'd always been like this, with the way he preferred to go on dangerous missions alone to keep other people safe. You should have known.

Again, you wondered, was trying to do the right thing a valid excuse for doing the wrong one?

"You...are so stupid." You weren't sure when you started crying, but tears were falling down your cheeks as you moved to him, cupping his face. "Poe, this isn't how you beat the First Order, this is how you _die_. You are doing too much, too fast, with too little planning, and you are going to get yourself killed."

"I can't let them win. What's the point of all of this if I just let them win?"

"No. No, listen to me." Your grip moved to his shoulders, forehead pressing to his. "This isn't your responsibility alone, Poe. You do _not_ have to be a martyr for this cause. It isn't your job to die for everybody else."

"It's a pretty small cost."

"Not from where I'm standing."

A couple tears fell from his eyes and it just about broke you apart. He'd been carrying so much pain and responsibility, and all you wanted to do was take it from him.

"If I wasted all that time trying to resist you, just to lose you, I don't know what I'll do. I need you to take a step back and think things through, and let me know what's going through your head so I can help you. I'm here and you can't get rid of me."

 _They can't get rid of me_ , you didn't say. You couldn't promise that, but Poe deserved the hope that not all would be lost, so you left it as an implication.

"Even though I've been a dick?"

You looked at him and then kissed him deeply, trying to channel all your compassion and care into the kiss. Finally, _finally_ , all the tension seemed to leave him.

"Even though you've been a dick," you said as you pulled away.

There was a difference, though, between being a dick and being terrified and desperate. His urgency had come across as carelessness, but now you understood.

Anger is never just anger, and sometimes pride is a feeling of too much responsibility.

"Come on, we have a plan to see through."

He looked at you with surprise. "I thought you weren't part of this plan?"

"No more going through this alone, Poe."


	16. because the world is ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe begged you to stay.
> 
> You reminded him that you didn't want him to be alone.
> 
> He gave you a desperate look.
> 
> You stayed because there were enough pilots so you weren't needed and because he made you stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, sweet Poe and reader <3

You helped Poe, slightly disapprovingly, with a plan to overpower Holdo so you could give Finn and Rose more time.

And, damn, he was hot when he was authoritative. All 'I am relieving you of your command' with his blaster out.

You shouldn't have been thinking such things, considering. But there you were.

You took control of the bridge for only a moment before an interruption came in the form of a now-awake General Organa. She used a weapon to knock Poe out and left you and Lieutenant Connix — who had also been helping with the plan — alone as you both surrendered.

You stayed by Poe's side the entire time, watching and listening with perplexity as Admiral Holdo touched his face fondly and confessed that she actually liked his troublemaking ways. It was interesting how all that tension and angry behavior didn't make her despise him.

 _Keep him_ , she told you before you followed those who guided the pilot's grav stretcher onto a transport ship.

You smiled, nearly laughing. _I'm not sure there's an alternative_.

You sat next to him on the ship, held him when he woke to discover that his only idea of a survival plan was ruined.

But Leia gave good news. Holdo had planned it all out; you would go to a nearby planet undetected and wait until the enemy passed by. It wasn't a traitorous thing after all.

But of course there was another 'but'.

The First Order did detect you somehow and were taking out the transport ships one by one, and things were looking bleak again. It seemed that you couldn't get anywhere without them sneaking up behind you.

That was when Admiral Holdo sacrificed herself, sending her ship right into theirs. You felt the respect that grew in Poe and you were utterly thankful for it.

So very few of you made it to the planet, Crait. It was disheartening, to say the least, how much of the Resistance was lost.

There was a spark of hope with Finn and Rose's return. They made it.

BB-8 was perfectly well, too, and Poe's reunion with the droid was quite possibly the sweetest thing that you had ever witnessed. The little thing bumped against your legs until you gave it a greeting of your own, which might have included a hug or two.

You and Poe didn't interact much. He went into commander mode despite his new rank, while you stayed with Leia, unable to be of much help compared to everyone else.

The First Order had a cannon that would easily break into the mine that was currently your shelter, so some soldiers and fighters were sent out with weapons and broken down ski speeders.

Poe begged you to stay.

You reminded him that you didn't want him to be alone.

He gave you a desperate look.

You stayed because there were enough pilots so you weren't needed and because he made you stupid.

You listened to the battle and 'we're taking heavy losses' was a phrase you hadn't wanted to hear.

The cannon started up, causing the mine to tremble, and it was discovered that those who received the Resistance's distress signal weren't coming. Even Leia admitted that it was hopeless.

You held onto Poe the moment he returned, in fear and relief. You joined him behind cover as the cannon destroyed the door, your weapons at the ready, not caring if he had anything to say about it. The result would be the same either way.

You were so focused and so scared that you didn't hear him say your name until the third or fourth time, and that was mostly because he nudged you with his shoulder.

"Mm?" You were staring over the cart that shielded you, at the giant, burning hole in the door.

"Stop. Look at me."

You hesitated, slowly ducking down and turning your head to look at him. He was looking at you intently, sweetly, like he might never—

Your breath hitched with the threat of oncoming tears.

"I want you to take this." He grabbed a chain from around his neck, pulling it over his head and holding it out. There was a ring on it. His expression changed to one of anxiety and slight expectation.

You tilted your head slightly, one hand leaving your blaster to touch the ring. "What is it?"

"It was my mother's."

You yanked your hand back immediately. It wasn't just any ring; it was a _wedding_ ring that belonged to his _mother_. Poe was giving you his _mother's wedding ring_. "Why— why would you want to give me this?"

"Well, I figured since you admitted that you love me—"

"I _what_?" Your heart skipped a beat. Or several. Your mouth suddenly felt very dry and you were sure you had just become incredibly light, about to fall right over.

"You said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me."

Did you love Poe? No, you couldn't. It was too soon.

"That doesn't mean I love you! That means I...I...I... _tolerate_ you."

Did you love Poe? You did know him for a while before entering a relationship with him...

"You don't spend your life with someone you tolerate."

Did you love Poe? He was so good.

"People spend their lives with people they don't even like!"

Did you love Poe? He was handsome, and funny, and sweet.

"I'm pretty sure you would've killed me if you didn't like me."

You loved Poe Dameron.

Wait, what?

There came your heartbeat, fast and pounding. You still felt like you might fall over, but a smile was coming to your face of its own accord.

You forced it away. This was not how this was going to happen.

You took the chain from him, gently putting it back on him as he gazed at you with hurt and confusion. "You're not giving me this just because we're probably going to die. Maybe..." You couldn't say it. Couldn't tell him to give it to you if you survived, because what if you didn't?

So instead you kissed him with everything you had, like it was your last kiss, to make up for all the kisses you hadn't given to him. He kissed you back eagerly, one hand gripping your side to pull you as close as he could.

Did Poe Dameron love you?

It didn't matter, you decided, looking into his eyes when you pulled away. The way he looked at you was enough.


	17. because the world is saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're okay," were the first words out of his mouth when your lips parted, followed by a little laugh.
> 
> "Did you doubt that we would be?"
> 
> "Of course not."
> 
> You grabbed his chin to make him look at you. "You're a horrible liar." You kissed him again, gently this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are being cute, of course.

You would have many more kisses, you happily discovered, as Luke Skywalker appeared to distract Kylo Ren and allow the Resistance to escape. There was another exit and you nearly lost hope again when you discovered it was blocked by a pile of rocks.

Then came Rey, who you'd never actually met yet, but you were really loving her for her badassery. She used the Force to clear away the rocks, and what was left of the Resistance fled on the Millennium Falcon.

You got to meet Rey with enthusiasm, while Poe met her with veiled awe.

Then everyone was talking, celebrating despite everything, and you stood off to the side, watching. Though there were so few of you now, it was so nice to just look at everyone that you still had. You were thankful to have what you did; General Organa, Finn, Rose, Rey, your fellow pilots, soldiers, acquaintances you were definitely going to get to know that you should have gotten to know before.

And, of course, Poe, whose gaze met yours. He nodded slightly, glancing over at a doorway as a way to tell you to join him further in the ship.

You looked around like you'd get in trouble, following him into a corridor. It certainly was an interesting-looking ship, that you'd only ever known from stories and watching Rey fly off to find Luke.

Poe was on you in an instant and pushing you against a wall, kissing you hard.

And you thought the first time you actually kissed him back had been full of relief, but now you were safe again, and you had _time_ , and you were quick to return his kiss with just as much joy.

Your future was possible again, though it might not be long before the First Order came after you. They were weakened, too, so perhaps there would be a little break.

"We're okay," were the first words out of his mouth when your lips parted, followed by a little laugh.

"Did you doubt that we would be?"

"Of course not."

You grabbed his chin to make him look at you. "You're a horrible liar." You kissed him again, gently this time.

You stood there in silence for a few moments, you against the wall with Poe's arms on either side of you and your hands moving up and down his biceps, your eyes closed.

This must have been what pure peace felt like.

"I have to admit something."

"Hm?"

"You've totally been a jerk, and I understand why, but you were still a jerk. But when we carried out the plan to take over Holdo, you were so hot." You opened your eyes to find him smirking at you. "What?"

"You hated that plan. You know, you act so prim, and here you are, thinking I'm hot when I take over."

"I do not act prim!"

"Oh, sorry, judgmenta—"

You gave him a shove so playful that he barely even budged, smiling at him. He was right, you were cautious and worried when it came to such things, but you weren't dumb enough to be oblivious to him being sexy.

"So you like it when I'm assertive, huh?"

"Yes." Even though you rolled your eyes at his smug tone.

"You know, you're always sassing me." The man who sassed everyone, dangerous or not, was one to talk. "Should I show you how to behave?"

You blushed at his words and considered sassing him right there, but this was quickly making you melt and you wanted everything he could give you _right now_. "Yes, Poe."

"Call me Commander."

Well, that was kind of depressing.

"Yes, Commander."

His hands moved to your sides, squeezing them, and the look in his eyes was so dark and lustful that you just wanted to—

Someone cleared their throat.

Poe was backing away quickly, standing beside you to pretend that what was just definitely happening hadn't been about to happen.

When you turned to see it was Leia, your blush deepened. "General!" Panicking, you lifted your hand to salute her. Poe was stiff beside you, a sheepish look on his face as he seemed to share in your embarrassment. "We, uh— he, uh— I...uh..." Your explanation — or lack thereof — had the general lifting her hand.

"How you celebrate victories is none of my business." You could tell she was fighting back laughter, her eyes bright. "At ease, soldiers."

You didn't stop saluting until she left, and you dropped your head into your hands. "I can't believe she saw that. We're only having sex again if we go somewhere with a private room."

You heard light jingling and looked up. The ring from before was dangling in front of your face; you watched it tilt and spin from the movement of being taken from Poe's neck.

"I was gonna try again, now that we're probably not going to die, but you distracted me."

You stared. This was big, right? Your boyfriend giving you his mother's wedding ring? You weren't sure if it was a proposal or a promise, but you knew it meant a lot.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Won't you miss it?" You didn't want him to regret this, to take it back because he didn't love you, but you had escaped the First Order and that unspoken suggestion of giving you the ring later lingered in the back of your mind.

"I've been carrying this thing around, waiting for the right person to give it to." He took your hand, opening it and slowly putting the chain in it, closing your fingers over it. "That person is standing right in front of me."

There were tears. There were definitely tears. "Poe..."

"I'm not asking you to marry me or anything..." He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to make things casual in case you denied him. "You don't even have to wear it. I just...it's important to me and _you're_ important to me, so..."

"Poe." You kissed his cheek. You stayed there for a moment, not wanting to pull away, but you did so you could look into his eyes. " _Thank you_. Can you put it on me?"

It was so fascinating, how you had once been so afraid of getting close to Poe and now he was proving his affection for you with such a special gift.

You really had been foolish.

He unclasped the chain and turned you so he could fasten it around your neck. The ring fell against your chest, and you turned back to face him, and you just about lost it from the look in his eyes.

Tenderness, adoration, happiness, perhaps lo—

No, no. He had yet to even allude to that and you weren't going to assume. The look in his eyes was enough.

You hadn't said it, anyway, so you weren't going to expect it from him.

"It...suits you." He seemed to be getting emotional.

"Let's go see what everyone's up to and find out what we're doing now." You grabbed his hand, leaning into his side.

"Yeah."

You should tell him. He apparently already knew. "Hey, Poe?"

"Yeah?"

The words wouldn't come as you suddenly feared he'd been joking about knowing, that he'd be taken off guard by your confession. "—I'll tell you later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a super kinky chapter thanks to Poe's and reader's antics, let me know.


	18. forcefully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I defied your orders, Commander." You found it interesting that he enjoyed getting at someone else for something he had done, but who the hell were you to judge what got someone off?
> 
> "You defied my orders." He slowly strode towards you, his hands clasped behind his back like a professional. "You nearly cost us the mission. Do you know what would have happened if we failed that mission, pilot?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe and reader get kinky.

"Do you have any idea what you just did?"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Commander."

You got that private room. The Resistance had to find a new base quickly because, while the group was much smaller now, there simply wasn't enough room or equipment to stay in the Millennium Falcon comfortably. An abandoned base that once held some allies was found on a lush, peaceful planet and you all quickly went to work on building it up to something habitable.

The First Order backed off momentarily, and you had free time while plans were being made and supplies were being gathered. You couldn't do much until you were given a job or task.

Hence why you were in that private room — scarcely furnished or decorated beyond a cheap bed and a beat up end table — with Poe, standing by the door while he stood at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed. You were looking sheepish, which was kind of easy, because being so turned on with anticipation had your mannerisms similar to shame; the blush on your cheeks, your averted gaze, the biting of your lip, the way you were shifting from one foot to the other.

"Repeat it to me."

"I defied your orders, Commander." You found it interesting that he enjoyed getting at someone else for something he had done, but who the hell were you to judge what got someone off?

"You defied my orders." He slowly strode towards you, his hands clasped behind his back like a professional. "You nearly cost us the mission. Do you know what would have happened if we failed that mission, _pilot_?"

All those pent up emotions made him so good at this. "Um..."

"The planet would've been taken over," he answered for you, sounding annoyed as he cocked an eyebrow. "Are you forgetting your training or did you almost fail that, too? You can't even figure out simple stuff here."

Okay, that stung. You would have said 'bantha' — the word you both agreed on that you would use if things became too much — if you thought there was any truth in his words. You knew he was just playing a role, though.

The burning in your chest that you felt from being insulted kind of added to the fun anyway.

"No, Commander, I—"

"I didn't call you in here to be given excuses." He was looming over you now, imposing, and dark, and handsome, and _so sexy_. "How are you gonna make up for this mistake?"

A thrill went through you at the thought of what would be coming, landing somewhere between your legs. "I'll always listen to your orders. I'll go through training again. I'll clean all the ships. I'll clean the hangar. I'll—"

"No." He leaned down, staring into your eyes, his lips barely more than a couple of inches from yours. "How are you gonna make it up to _me_?"

You wanted to jump him right there, but you had a role to play, too. "I just told you—"

His grip was both rough and gentle as he easily held your face in one hand, the perfect amount of pressure to cause you discomfort without really hurting you. He kissed you hard, keeping you firmly in place as he deepened it. You couldn't have stopped his tongue if you wanted to.

Not that you wanted to.

You were both panting when he pulled back and released your face. "On your knees, pilot."

Your heartbeat had officially taken up residence farther south and you actually had to force back a moan, practically falling to your knees. You stared at his pants, where a tent was already forming.

"You just gonna sit there? Or do I have to do this for you just like I fixed the mission for you?"

Such degrading words shouldn't have made your clit throb so much.

"Sorry, Commander." You unfastened his pants and pulled them down, greeted by the lovely sight of his cock. A hand wrapped around it, helping him get completely stiff.

It was your lips pressing to his tip that got a complete reaction from him, though. He groaned, hips bucking forward, so you took the head of his cock into your mouth.

You only managed to suck on him lightly before he was grabbing onto your hair. "Enough." He was trying so hard not to break character, his jaw clenched. "Get up and take off your clothes."

You pulled back, waiting for him to let go of your hair, then stood up and pulled your shirt over your head. Your pants followed and, much to Poe's surprise, your underwear didn't.

"You were ready for me, huh? Maybe you messed up on purpose." He took his own shirt off, stepping out of his pants. "Come here."

You moved close to him, gasping and moaning when his hand moved between your legs.

"You are fucking _soaked_." He was whispering like he knew it got you going. He probably did know it got you going. His fingers found your clit instantly, stroking you until you were holding onto his shoulders to stay standing, bucking against his hand. You whimpered when he stopped. "Get on the bed."

You complied quickly and shakily, starting to lay down.

"On all fours."

Groaning, you turned onto your hands and knees, feeling the bed dip behind you a moment later.

"I could watch you like this forever." He seemed to decide against just watching, pressing his cock to you. He was dragging his tip up and down your slit, and you were about to fall apart if he didn't decide to either get inside you or put steady pressure on your clit.

"Stop teasing," you whined, bucking back against him.

His hand came down to smack your ass and you moaned. "Maybe learning a little patience will prevent your defiance in the future." Despite his words, he shoved into you roughly, making you cry out.

He started fucking you immediately, his pace hard and fast, and he had to keep a hold of you to keep you from falling against the mattress.

Up until now, your lovemaking had been, well, lovemaking; having him take you like this was new and _wonderful_. You were definitely as soaked as he said you were.

"You know how tight you are? You feel so good...maybe this is how you should always make up for stuff." Was he close already? His hand moved beneath your hip and between your legs, stroking your clit again.

No, he wasn't just yet, because he wasn't trying to make you come. His touch was sporadic rather than constant, coming and going, sometimes delightfully firm and other times teasingly light.

"Come _on_ , Poe." His touch disappeared completely, his hips still thrusting hard against yours as you realized what you'd done. "Commander."

His fingers returned, still teasing you. "If you want to come, beg me. Show me you can obey my orders."

"Please." Who cared about dignity when your body was desperately insisting to be brought over the edge? "Please make me come." You could feel yourself about to fall apart with every featherlight touch, only for the sensation to dull when he moved his fingers.

"Why should I?"

"Because I need it!"

He seemed to be unable to deny you, touching your clit fast and firmly until you tensed against him.

Having it drawn out made it even better. You weren't sure if you were moaning or yelling, or maybe both. All you knew was that the room was spinning and you felt so small compared to the intense feelings that had you squeezing around his cock.

He seemed to have been holding himself back as he quickly buried himself, spilling into you with a loud groan. Your arms gave out and he was too preoccupied to hold you tightly, so you collapsed against the bed.

You had no idea how much or little time had passed before he was next to you, turning you onto your back and pulling you into his arms. "That was okay?" There was concern in his breathless voice.

"Mm." You nodded, your focus shifting from your happy feelings to how hard your heart was beating. Your hand moved to Poe's chest so you could feel the way his heart pounded against your palm. "More than okay."

"I didn't hurt you?"

"Not at all."

"Can I get you anything?"

"Poe." You looked at him, smiling softly. "It was great. I appreciate it, but really, I'm wonderful."

"You are." His fingers ran over your face, then slid down to touch the ring that was resting between your breasts. "You know, I've been thinking..."

"Hm?"

"Well, you've been staying here until we get enough supplies to set up your quarters, but what if...we told Leia to forget it."

You tilted your head. "Poe Dameron, are you asking me to move into your quarters?"

"Maybe." The sly grin on his face gave away the answer.

And you kissed him to give away yours. You laid your head on his chest, nuzzling him.

You were moving in with Poe.

It was a good time to tell him you loved him.

Tell him.

 _Tell him_.

"Poe?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"I..." Your heart begged you to speak and your brain warned you to wait for him to say it first before you dare to tell him. "I could use a little something to eat, come to think of it. That made me hungry."

With a kiss pressed to your head, he got up and put his pants back on.

You watched him go, wondering how you could still be so afraid after all this time.


	19. because you're running out of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You felt the pain before you even saw the shot.

You were glad to finally be helping again.

General Organa sent you, Poe, Finn, Rose, and Chewbacca out in search of any allies to join the fight against the First Order. Not much really happened at first aside from negotiating with people on other planets, but you were happy to be doing something.

Then the First Order showed up because they needed allies, too, and you found yourself running from at least a dozen stormtroopers with Poe and Finn. You stumbled upon Rose and Chewie again, and the five of you found what seemed to be remnants of a crumbled building to hide behind as you moved to defend yourselves.

You felt a little fucked up for how fun you found it. It was just so nice to be out, making a difference and being in the thick of the action.

You were crouched behind a higher piece of wall, Rose a few feet from you and the others following along, when a shot sent a bit of it flying. You stumbled back to avoid getting hit in the head by it, not realizing how vulnerable you were making yourself behind the very broken, not at all consistent wall. A part of it was _just_ low enough.

You felt the pain before you even saw the shot.

The pain was _incredible_. You weren't sure if everyone imagined what things would feel like, but you did. Blaster shot in the shoulder, a lightsaber through your middle, a dagger through your hand like a story Poe once told you, being eaten by something.

It felt nothing like you imagined.

You fell to your knees in the grass, grunting and whimpering behind your lips in an attempt to silence yourself. Everything was in slow motion and sounded so far away; Rose and Finn were saying something, Poe was yelling victoriously to a groaning Chewie. It all sounded like they were so far.

With a lot of effort, you moved your jacket aside to look down at yourself. The wound was on your left side, mostly cauterized, so you had time.

You had _time_ and you weren't going to leave the others to deal with this. You didn't care that they could handle themselves, they could still use extra defense.

The urge to protect your friends and _Poe_ had adrenaline filling you, returning everything to full speed and dulling the pain somewhat. Your bit of wall between yourself and the stormtroopers took too many hits, though, and you had to make a quick escape.

It didn't hurt too badly as you ran further from your group to a section tall enough to shield you, falling hard to your knees again. You had a better vantage point there, quickly taking out two stormtroopers before they even knew you were aiming at them.

There were two more and they were taken out by Rose and Finn. Or...Poe and Finn. Or were they both taken out by Poe? Maybe Chewie was involved somehow?

You felt lightheaded somewhere beneath everything else.

You looked over at everyone else. They were all cheering and hugging, and you supposed you should join them.

Your legs were shaking as you stood, your steps slowly transitioning from smooth to confused and stilted. The pain in your side was returning and, shit, why did it feel so wet You must have moved around too much. Cauterized or not, the running, falling, shooting, and dodging would have aggravated your wound.

"We did it, sweetheart."

Poe had been the furthest from you and you didn't remember walking to him. You barely even remembered passing Rose, who had been closest to you, but there you were, just a few feet away from your boyfriend.

You were smiling at him, then your knees gave out just as your adrenaline did. Poe's triumphant grin fell and he was yelling your name, and you were face down in the grass with no desire to move since it would hurt so much.

But Poe was turning you over, looking you over with concern in his eyes so strong that you found it oddly beautiful in your increasingly confused state. "Hey, what happened? If you need to rest, we can—"

"M-my side." You would have moved your jacket aside if lifting your arm in the slightest didn't hurt.

With his brow furrowed, he pushed the material to look at your good side, then took a look at your other side. He let out the tiniest 'oh, _fuck_ ' as he saw the blood rapidly soaking through your shirt, so no one would hear. You did. "Why the hell didn't you say anything?" He sounded angry and...something else.

"I had time. I didn't want to leave you guys...not like we could have stopped what we were doing anyway."

"And I get in trouble for being a hero?"

"I wasn't trying to be a hero. I just wanted you guys to be safe."

He shook his head, looking up when the others came over. "What can we do?" That was Finn's voice, worried.

Your friend Finn was nice. No, no, your friend Finn was _fantastic_. That sounded better. Was Finn your friend? It felt like Finn was your friend.

And these thoughts felt kind of delirious.

"You and Chewie get a med kit, supplies, anything you can. Rose, tell Leia that we're coming back _now_." An authoritative Poe was a sexy Poe, and maybe you were kind of delirious thanks to the blood loss.

The others ran off and a hand was pressing hard to your side. You jumped and cried out, tears filling your eyes from the intense pain, and Poe shushed you. "I know it hurts, but I have to put pressure to stop the bleeding."

"You're so efficient." Between the delirium and the fact that your eyelids were growing heavy, you wondered if you were dying.

Wait. Were you dying? You didn't know if the blaster shot hit anything important. You were bleeding so much, even with the pressure that was being applied.

Poe looked different when your gaze traveled over his face. How the hell had he gotten more beautiful? There were many times when you thought he couldn't be more beautiful, and yet he was absolutely stunning now.

Perhaps because you would never look at his face again.

Tears of a different kind came to your eyes. "Poe—"

"Don't," he was quick to answer, staring straight ahead. He seemed to know what you were thinking.

"But I..." Weakness came over you suddenly and you closed your eyes, breathing deeply.

"Hey! Keep your eyes on me." He pushed on your side to cause enough pain to get you looking at him again. "Stay with me. They'll be back with a med kit soon."

You nodded, doing your best to stare at him. "I'm sorry." For wasting time, and getting angry with him, and getting shot, and getting his hands covered in your blood just for you to die on him.

"Look, you've got nothing to be sorry for." He looked down at you reluctantly. "But you're gonna be real sorry if you close your eyes. You're so terrified of me leaving you, you don't get to leave _me_." There it was again. Anger and something else. The reason for it, like always.

He was trying to stay strong and professional, but he knew as well as you did.

"I'm tired."

"No, you're not." A little anger, a fair amount of something else.

"Kiss me."

" _Stop it_." A lot of something else and hardly any anger.

Fear.

He was afraid.

"Poe," your voice shook and your chin trembled, tears falling from your eyes. This would be the last time you would ever ask this of him; ever feel his lips on yours. " _Kiss me_."

You weren't sure if he had tears in his eyes, too. He leaned down to kiss you before you could figure it out, his lips pressed gently to yours.

It was hardly a sexy, passionate kiss. Just his lips on yours. Still, and kind, and caring, and sorrowful. He pressed his face to yours for the briefest moment as he broke the kiss, then sat up, looking at you.

Now was a good time to tell him.

The only time.

You managed a weak smile, forcing your seemingly heavy arm up on your good side so you could touch his face. "Poe...Dameron...I..." The whole planet seemed to turn upside down in that moment, and your arm fell back to the ground.

The last thing you saw and heard was Poe shaking you, yelling your name.


	20. without a motive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wait." You grabbed his hand as he stood. "Do you...I mean, do you have to go?"
> 
> Since when had you become so attached? Since being shot, you supposed, and nearly leaving the galaxy and Poe for good. Now that you were in love with him, it hit even deeper than when he'd been taken by the First Order and you thought he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I'd let that be the end of the reader, did you?

You woke with a start, sitting up and crying out as a sharp pain tore through your left side.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey." There were hands on you, pushing you back down on a mattress. "Be careful, you're gonna hurt yourself." Poe came into view, hovering over you with concern on his face.

"What..." You looked around the room. It was yours and Poe's, but the bed was comfier and you _did not_ remember getting there. "What happened?"

He frowned, sitting down next to you. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Um...we were...fighting stormtroopers."

"You don't remember getting shot, baby?" He was gently running his fingers through your hair.

Oh. Right. _That_ was why your side hurt. "I didn't die?"

"No. You lost a hell of a lot of blood, but we were able to keep you stable until we could get you back to base. You've been in and out of it the past few days. You don't remember?" He sighed when you shook your head. "I'm just...I'm glad you're okay." He leaned down, kissing you sweetly.

You tried to meet him halfway, but more pain had you flinching back.

He pulled away, pushing up your shirt and stroking your hip, before pushing more fabric up to get a look at your wound. "You tore yourself open. I'm gonna get a med droid, okay?"

"Wait." You grabbed his hand as he stood. "Do you...I mean, do you have to go?"

Since when had you become so attached? Since being shot, you supposed, and nearly leaving the galaxy and Poe for good. Now that you were in love with him, it hit even deeper than when he'd been taken by the First Order and you thought he was gone.

You were also in pain, and the presence of someone like him brought comfort.

"I'll only be a couple minutes."

You reluctantly let go of his hand. You weren't going to allow yourself to suddenly become overly attached to him; it was childish.

Even if you just really wanted him to be near you because you were both there and okay.

"Two minutes. You can time me."

Poe left and returned one minute and forty-six seconds later, out of breath. "Okay, that was definitely less than two minutes. Med droid is on the way. Do you need anything?"

You thought for a moment. "Can you just lay with me? It's nice having you close..."

He obliged without hesitation, laying next to you on your right side just to be safe. Now that he was up close, you realized how terrible he looked; his scruff was growing in thick, he had bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess, he seemed a little pale.

And, by the way, how did he make terrible look so good?

"Poe, look at you." You stroked his jaw. "Have you been sleeping?"

He leaned into your touch like he needed you as much as you needed him. "What can I say? You make me _crazy_ , kid. I kept thinking that if I didn't watch you, something would happen."

"The feeling's mutual." The feeling of being made crazy, anyway. He made you crazy, right? Being this soft and loving was crazy, wasn't it? It certainly felt crazy. "Now get some sleep, you idiot."

"After you're fixed up."

He was asleep by the time the droid came in and started working on you, looking peaceful. It really must have torn him up when you were shot.

It tore you up because you nearly _died_ and that was terrifying on its own, not to mention that everything you dreamed of would never happen and you would never be with Poe again; but did it really get to him that much?

You suddenly remembered how he said you couldn't leave him.

Did Poe Dameron love you?

Maybe.


	21. where it hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You let out a little laugh. "If it were you, you'd be trying to do everything by yourself while you were in the process of getting hurt. You wouldn't accept the help. It took an argument for you to let me clean you up after you were tortured."
> 
> "This isn't about me." He moved to his knees in front of you, running his hands up and down your arms. "If you keep trying this, you're gonna hurt yourself worse and end up laying in bed for even longer. Do you want that?" He stared into your eyes. "Let me help you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader is feeling the effects of being shot and Poe is there to help <3

You'd been trying to will yourself to stand up for the last ten minutes. While you were healing, your side still hurt like hell and you refused to take anymore medication out of fear that you would become too reliant on it. It would have been far more bearable if you had just laid there, but you really needed to shower and you also needed to get used to moving around again.

You had become so dependent. Whether it was Poe, a friend, a nurse, or a medical droid, someone was always helping you with everything; getting food, using the refresher, walking around the tiny length of the room, changing your clothes.

You never really took pride in your independence, but you certainly did now. You had none of it and you were realizing how wonderful it had been to be so capable before.

It just seemed pitiful. The only upside was that you got to spend a lot of time with Poe, whose presence still calmed you, and you didn't have to go on missions where, fuck, you might get shot again and—

 _Stop thinking about it_ , you would remind yourself, because your paranoia about getting hurt again was scaring you. Were you damaged beyond the scar you would surely have? In a place deeper, that might hinder you from ever functioning like a normal being? You didn't want to be damaged so deeply. You wanted to get right back to fighting against the First Order.

Except you also didn't because what if—

 _Stop thinking about it_.

You stared straight ahead, sweat beading on your skin every time your movements caused you pain. All you had to do was get up, walk to the refresher, get in the shower, and then you could sit down in there. It would only be a few minutes of pain. You could _do this_.

Poe was away on a mission to find allies — he assured you at least a dozen times that he would be as quick as possible — and you were sure even the droids were annoyed with helping you as much as you were annoyed with being helped, so you had to do this on your own.

You had just staggered to your feet and fallen back down to the bed with a pained yelp when a sweating, panting Poe ran in, still wearing his flight suit. "I'm back, I— the hell are you doing?" He hurried over to you. "You're gonna get hurt!"

"I'm fine!" You slapped his hands away, then looked at him apologetically. "I just...I need to do this on my own. Please."

"Baby, you were _shot_. You're allowed to get help and take your time."

You let out a little laugh. "If it were you, you'd be trying to do everything by yourself while you were in the process of getting hurt. You wouldn't accept the help. It took an argument for you to let me clean you up after you were _tortured_."

"This isn't about me." He moved to his knees in front of you, running his hands up and down your arms. "If you keep trying this, you're gonna hurt yourself worse and end up laying in bed for even longer. Do you want that?" He stared into your eyes. "Let me help you."

Damn him for being right.

You nodded slightly.

"Okay. Thank you." He squeezed your hands, smiling softly. "What do you need?"

"A shower."

"Okay, I can do that. Come on." He moved to his feet and pulled your arm around him as he helped you up. "We'll go slow, alright?" True to his word, he very carefully lead you across the room to the refresher.

"How'd the mission go?"

"Pretty well. We found a small group of allies, so that's...something." He left you against the wall, checking that you were secure, before he moved to turn on the shower. "Gotta say, this is convenient. Hours in a flight suit, in a ship, means a nice, long shower." He moved to you, reaching to pull off your shirt, but you grabbed his wrists.

"Can I help you undress?" That made you feel a little less dependent; it would be more give and take than you just taking.

"Sure. Arms up." He was swift to take your shirt off after you did as he said, knowing you were fighting through pain to do so. He pulled down both your pants and underwear at once, allowing you to hold onto him as you stepped out of them.

You unzipped his suit, pushing it down and rolling up the fabric of the shirt he wore underneath until it hurt too much to reach, leaving him to pull it off the rest of the way while you unfastened his pants. He stepped out of his boots, pants, and suit, and both of you were completely naked.

You would have enjoyed it if the thought of the movement that came with sex didn't make you want to hide somewhere that you couldn't be found.

He moved you under the water, standing in front of you and grabbing some soap.

"I'm washing you, too."

He smirked and probably knew that you were trying to get some of your independence back in little ways. "Alright." He lathered some soap and started to clean you, taking such care that you could have melted right there.

Melting probably would have hurt, though. Everything hurt. Everything hurt, and you were weak, and you would never be normal again, and you were probably going to get hurt again just like everyone else because—

"Y/N?" Poe's worried voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I just...it hurts and I feel so useless. What if I never really recover? What if this just happens again? Or it happens to you, or the general, or our allies, or our friends..."

"Hey, no." His hands paused in their quest of washing you, massaging your back. "You're not useless. You got hurt doing a badass thing. I can't promise that no one else is gonna get hurt, but I can promise...that we're gonna win this war. All of this can't be for nothing, right?"

You knew his fears of losing everybody and losing the war, so you nodded for him and also to convince yourself. "Right." You closed your eyes as he began to kiss all over your face.

He kissed along your jaw, down your neck, across your collarbone, and over your chest — pausing to nuzzle the ring — until he was on his knees again.

His lips pressed to the bandage on your side. It was a gesture so caring and tender that you felt tears come to your eyes.

"I love you."

The words came so naturally. You didn't have time to stop them or worry about them.

Well, now that they were _out_ , you worried about them. Your heart picked up to a worryingly fast pace and your eyes shot open, looking down at him for any reaction that might be similar to laughter or anger.

The look in his eyes as he gazed up at you, however, would have brought you to your knees with him were it not for the pain.

"I love you." He spoke so softly, so _honestly_ , that there wasn't a doubt in your mind that he really meant it.

Why were you crying? Was it normal to cry? You'd never really gotten this far in a relationship before and it was with _Poe_ , who was so good, and kind, and brave, and ridiculous.

Having his love felt like a high honor.

You were a little emotional from everything, but your tears were from the elation that came with being loved by Poe Dameron.

"Please don't cry." He was back on his feet, wiping your tears away.

"They're good. They're good. I'm happy...I've never...fuck, I did _not_ expect to be like this." All that worrying you did about whether Poe would stay probably added to the intense emotions that were filling you. "I love you." You gave a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh.

Poe gave a fuller laugh, nodding. "I love you."

You wrapped your arms around him and pressed your face to his chest, and he held you lightly so he wouldn't hurt you. You stood like that for who knew how long under the stream of water.

Maybe you were going to be damaged. Maybe you would heal and jump right back into the action with no problem. You didn't really know.

One thing you did know was that, no matter what, being _really_ loved would make whatever came your way a hell of a lot easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY SAID THE THING.


	22. to distract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You suddenly heard a blaster go off. There was no mistaking that high sound.
> 
> It came from all the way across the tarmac, but you heard it loud and clear, and pain began to grow in your side. Were there stormtroopers? Was the base under attack? You lost your grip on the gadget in your hand, stumbling back quickly and looking around wildly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick warning that reader panics in this chapter.

You could stand. You could walk without collapsing. You could shower. You could put on your clothes. You could traverse the base, and get your own food, and pick things up off of the floor, and reach up for things.

It was all done with a little tenderness to the left of your belly, but it was a bearable feeling.

You were healed enough that you didn't need a bandage anymore, which was a nice change; no more being interrupted and jostled as a nurse or medical droid came in twice a day to put on a fresh bandage. You could have jumped for joy if you didn't think that might bring you back to square one.

You did still walk a little slowly. It was certainly an improvement, though, and you weren't going to complain about it.

You were currently walking at a leisurely pace to find Poe, who told you he would be out in the hangar.

Well, the sort-of hangar.

The Resistance was still lacking a lot of ships, so half of the area was for the few you did have and the other half was used for combat training. A few new recruits had that half of the area well-used, at least.

You spotted Poe working on an old, slightly beat up ship that he'd negotiated down to a fair price from a planet of your allies. He looked frustrated and you couldn't blame him, since he preferred to fly in something of a higher quality.

He brightened slightly when you walked over. "Y/N! You're up! You okay?" His hand came to your side, stroking you tenderly as if his touch were magic.

"Yeah. A little sore, but I'm good."

BB-8 came rolling around from the other side of the ship, greeting you and then beeping at you with aggravation.

"Hi, BB-8. What?" You looked up at Poe. "You kicked the ship?"

"It's a piece of junk! You know how much work I'm gonna have to put in to get her into good enough shape to be reliable?" He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, turning to stare at his project. "I should've gotten it for free."

You wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned into him. "I'll help."

"You're sure you feel up to that?"

"I'm about to go crazy with boredom, Poe."

"Okay, sweetheart." He moved his arm around to squeeze your shoulders, placing a kiss on your temple before he moved to a pile of tools. "Can you tighten a few panels for me?"

"Sure thing." You took the tool he offered you.

You suddenly heard a blaster go off. There was no mistaking that high sound.

It came from all the way across the tarmac, but you heard it loud and clear, and pain began to grow in your side. Were there stormtroopers? Was the base under attack? You lost your grip on the gadget in your hand, stumbling back quickly and looking around wildly.

Where were they? Where _the hell_ were they? If you didn't locate them, you were going to get shot again and you might not make it this time. And Poe was there, too close to you, too vulnerable.

"No. No, no, no, _no_." You kept backing up until your back hit something and you slid to the ground without really noticing, pulling your knees to your chest. The pain worsened.

"Y/N?"

Another blaster shot had you flinching, hiding your face against your knees.

"What— hey! Hey, _cool it_!" That was Poe, practically screaming, and his voice was followed by the shots stopping. "Baby? Look at me—"

There were hands on you and you tried to jerk away, only for them to tighten their grip. "No, let me go!"

"It's me! It's me." The grip moved to your face, coaxing your head up to show you that it was Poe crouching in front of you.

"Poe? They're here, Poe. We have to get out of here." You grabbed onto his arms, digging your fingers into them. "You have to get to safety. I need..." Your breathing was coming out quickly and you had to cut yourself off.

"Nobody's here. Just you, and me, and other members. That was someone doing target practice with their blaster." His words didn't seem to calm you. "Look at me. Look." He gave you a light shake, making you meet his worried eyes with your terrified ones. "If we were in danger right now, don't you think I'd be getting you somewhere safe?"

"I...I don't...I don't understand."

He bit his lip lightly, then nodded. "Focus on me, okay? You're safe. You're right here with me, and no one is going to hurt you." His lips pressed to yours in a soft kiss.

You stayed there frozen, panting sharply against his mouth, wondering how the hell he could be kissing you right now.

But there was no longer the sound of a blaster. No sound of panic from your colleagues or threats from First Order troops.

There was just Poe. His scent, his touch, his eyes, his lips.

Your panic slowly ebbed away and the throbbing in your side was fading back to a dull soreness like before. You moved your lips against Poe's tentatively, putting all your attention in the way it felt.

You were safe. Safe. No stormtroopers. No danger.

"I'm sorry," you sobbed breathlessly the moment he pulled away.

"You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. You went through some intense shit and you need some time before you're okay. I get that." His words felt like they held something deeper than an attempt to reassure you.

Footsteps approached you quickly. "I'm sorry, Mr. Dameron! I didn't mean to upset anyone..." It was a newer recruit, whose tone full of apology and guilt helped to calm down your racing heart.

"It's fine, kid. You didn't know." Poe slid an arm around you, helping you to your feet. "Let's get you back inside."

Part of you wanted to argue so you could stay and alleviate your boredom with the ship that needed fixing. The rest of you was still coming down from being so frightened and needed to calm down.

You went with the rest of you, nodding and walking with Poe into the base.

And you hoped these feelings of horror at the simple sound of a blaster wouldn't linger with you forever.


	23. where it doesn't hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're all healed up and you've been really good about not pushing yourself too hard, so I thought you deserved a little treat." He pressed light kisses all over your inner thighs as he pushed them further apart. "And you were looking all kinds of sexy, sleeping in just my shirt and these." He reached to trace a finger along the edges of your underwear. His eyes met yours, slightly worried. "This is okay?"
> 
> "Yeah. Yes. Definitely okay. So okay." You sounded too eager, but it made Poe's gaze get super bright, so you were cool with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is smutty. Feel free to skip if it makes you uncomfortable!

You woke up to something tickling your thighs. Your sleepy mind had you annoyed by it, quickly nudging whatever it was with your leg and making contact with something.

You started to curl up so you could go back to sleep before you heard a groan and, " _Baby_."

"Hm?" You opened your eyes to find a slightly pouty Poe looking up at you from between your legs. "What are you doing down there?"

"I promised you that we'd do this in the future." He nuzzled your cunt through your underwear, causing your breath to hitch. "It's the future."

You licked your lips, feeling yourself get a little wet in anticipation. "What made you want to do this now?"

"You're all healed up and you've been really good about not pushing yourself too hard, so I thought you deserved a little treat." He pressed light kisses all over your inner thighs as he pushed them further apart. "And you were looking all kinds of sexy, sleeping in just my shirt and these." He reached to trace a finger along the edges of your underwear. His eyes met yours, slightly worried. "This is okay?"

"Yeah. Yes. Definitely okay. So okay." You sounded too eager, but it made Poe's gaze get super bright, so you were cool with it.

He hooked his fingers into your underwear and pulled it down in the most teasingly slow way he probably could. He kissed you right above where you really wanted his lips to be. "If this makes your side hurt, tell me."

You nodded, cupping the back of his head and pulling him closer.

"Alright, alright, be patient." He chuckled, then gave a long lick over your slit.

Your hips bucked of their own accord as you buried your hand in his curls, once again attempting to drag him closer to you. Any less distance between you and you'd be grinding against his face, which is a thought that probably shouldn't have turned you on so much.

His groan sent the best vibration through you, followed by his tongue quickly lapping at you, again and again.

And you, unashamedly wanton, kept a tight grip on his hair and thrust your hips in time with every touch of his tongue. You made sure your grip wasn't _too_ tight, though, remembering how he told you that he liked hair pulling, but not having it ripped out. Not that you _would_ rip it out; you just didn't want to hurt him.

He put his hands on your hips, pushing them against the mattress. "Stop. I'm gonna lose my damn place if you keep moving like that." He spoke gently despite the potential of his words being cruel.

"I'm just enjoying myself."

"And I appreciate that, but I don't think I can pleasure you if your pussy ends up on my eyes."

How the hell did that turn you on?

"Okay. I'll try to keep still." That sent a thrill through you, too.

"Good." He slid a hand down to spread your folds so he could press a light kiss to your clit. You tried not to twitch, the hand that wasn't in his hair clenching at your side. He slipped a finger into you and started to thrust it slowly, his mouth moving to suck on your clit.

His finger curled just right and—

"Oh, _fuck_!" You knew you were loud with the way Poe looked up at you with surprise and something crashed in the hallway outside the room.

Your reflexes kicked in from pleasure, literally, and your foot made contact with some part of Poe's body.

"Ow!" He laughed breathlessly. "Okay, too sensitive. Noted." He continued to simply pump his finger in and out of you, sucking hard on your clit.

"Poe...Poe..." You could feel your orgasm building, with the familiar tingling sensation coming and going like the tease it was. You began grinding against his face, seeking out that feeling.

He added a second finger and pressed his tongue firmly against your clit.

Again, again, again, _again_.

It felt like a perfect release; you felt yourself climb to the top and then practically tumble off the edge, clenching around his fingers fast and tight. You felt the room tilt as your mouth fell open, moaning his name several times.

You reached the bottom in a daze with your thighs trembling on either side of Poe's head, still squeezing around his fingers lightly.

He was licking you up eagerly and you were way too sensitive to be getting horny.

"Come here..." You made yourself release his hair, reaching for him.

He moved into your arms and wrapped you up in his, nuzzling your cheek. "I should do that more often. You taste amazing."

"How do you always know what to say?" You pressed your face against his shoulder, hiding your blush.

"Ah, it's a gift." He ran his fingers through your hair.

You smiled against his skin, snuggling more into him. "I love you."

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to whoever was in the hallway and dropped whatever they were carrying because they heard the reader.


	24. as encouragement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If anything happens, you got me, sweetheart. Anything happens to me, you got Finn." The other man nodded, looking at you kindly. "Rey, Rose...you have all of us. If it's too much, I want you to turn around and fly back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a sweet, short chapter!

"You don't have to do this, Y/N."

You sat in the cockpit of an old X-wing model, staring straight ahead. Poe was sitting on the ship, halfway inside with you, a hand on your arm as he tried to coax you out.

"You guys keep going off on your own to find allies and it's not fair. It would be easier and faster if you had someone to help you." Yet you held the lever in front of you so tightly that it may have very well snapped from the force.

He would have been in the cockpit with you if it wasn't such a tight space, moving in even further to gently stroke what parts of you he could reach. "We're doing alright. I don't want you to stress yourself out for our sake."

"Poe, I _need_ to do this." Your voice broke, tears filling your eyes. You didn't just need to do this to help them; you needed this because you couldn't spend your entire life being terrified of being part of the action. You were practically a soldier. You were surrounded by action and you needed to get back into it instead of hiding like a child.

You couldn't live like this. You had to get better and be part of 'normalcy' again. What if you were afraid forever? What if you resigned yourself to a life of sitting still and doing nothing?

"Okay. Okay, just come out for a second."

You were kind of afraid that you wouldn't find the strength to get back in, but you took Poe's hand and allowed him to help you out, following him down the ladder. He lead you to where the others were.

"If anything happens, you got me, sweetheart. Anything happens to me, you got Finn." The other man nodded, looking at you kindly. "Rey, Rose...you have all of us. If it's too much, I want you to turn around and fly back."

"But—"

He gave you a look. "You're not gonna be much help if you're freaking out."

"Okay. Fine."

"You ready?"

Nodding, you made your way back to the ship. Poe jogged after you, grabbing you and turning you around, kissing you before you could ask what he wanted.

"You can do this, babe." He pressed his forehead to yours, eyes closed.

You got into your ship and flew off with your new squadron.

Everything went perfectly. You had gotten a little nervous when you made it to the planet, but there was no one there to harm you and you were the one who convinced the people to become your allies.

You arrived back to the base with renewed joy and strength, and you jumped into Poe's arms the moment you were both out of your ships. He kissed all over your face and told you how proud he was, while you continually said how awesome it all was.

Everything would be okay.


	25. on a falling tear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'd been crying for hours. You were in your and Poe's bed, starting to get worried because it was late and he had yet to make an appearance.
> 
> What if he hated you and avoided you from now on? What if you could never fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All couples fight at some point. Even these two.

"Do you have any idea what you just did?!"

You had been striding towards Poe with a grin on your face, ecstatic because you had just taken down a _handful_ of stormtroopers, and you weren't _that_ scared, and you did it _all by yourself_ , and you felt so _normal_ ; but your smile fell at his words, your walk slowing slightly.

He said those words before. They had been sexy then.

The fury in his gaze and tone made them far less sexy this time.

"I just took out a bunch of stormtroopers?"

"On your own!" He was even angrier than he had been over Holdo fuelling the transport ships, his jaw clenched. "You didn't even consult me!"

Now anger sparked in you. He had never yelled at you before and he was being a jerk, and you were stubborn and independent as you discovered when you were injured. "I didn't think I needed your _permission_."

"I'm your commander!"

"Captain." You were bothered enough by his attitude that you almost didn't care that his demotion was a low blow. A muscle in his jaw twitched. "We've gone to so many planets these past couple weeks, and this is the first time I wasn't terrified. I was being brave and—"

"You were being stupid."

"Excuse me?" You let out a humorless laugh. "You're one to ta—"

"No, you don't get to turn this around on me! This is different."

"How? How is it different?"

"I'm your boyfriend and I need to protect you!"

You stared at him, feeling like you could fall apart from the anger thrumming through you. "If being my boyfriend means you hold me back and treat me like I'm fragile, maybe you shouldn't be my boyfriend!"

You couldn't have taken the words back if you wanted to, and you were too pissed off to want to.

"—fine."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

" _Fine_!" You started to storm off and your movements were fast enough that you felt the ring swinging against your chest. You hastily reached back to unclasp the chain, spinning around to face him. "Take your fucking ring!" You pelted it at him, satisfied as it hit his shoulder, before continuing to stomp out of the room.

Everyone stared.

* * *

 

You knew that you weren't supposed to make decisions when you were angry. Anger was a powerful emotion that could cloud people's judgement and make them do terrible things that they could never take back.

You broke up with the love of your life.

You said things to purposefully hurt him.

You took off his mother's ring and threw it at him.

You _broke up with him_.

All because you were upset at him for coddling you, for treating you like you couldn't handle things on your own. You appreciated the way he cared for you when you were still weak, but now you had felt so brave and your pride was brought out.

A sort of pride that used to annoy you when it came from Poe.

The way he tried to lock you safely away just because he loved you had gotten to you enough for you to do something far more stupid than facing stormtroopers by yourself.

You'd been crying for hours. You were in your and Poe's bed, starting to get worried because it was late and he had yet to make an appearance.

What if he hated you and avoided you from now on? What if you could never fix this?

Being left by him had once been your biggest fear, and now it would be _your_ fault since _you_ broke up with him.

The door opened in the middle of the night and you perked up slightly, quickly wiping your tears away as you watched Poe stumble in. He moved to the bed and practically fell onto it, pressing his face to your chest.

He smelled like alcohol.

"Poe, I—" You just wanted to apologize and have him take you back, but he interrupted you.

"Don't. I'm so sorry, baby." You could tell his voice was shaking even though it was muffled by your shirt. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that...I shouldn't act like I own you or some shit..."

"You don't act like that."

"I did today. I did. Because I was pissed. I saw you with those stormtroopers and I...got so fucking scared. All I could think about was you getting shot and then you were fine, and I was so _angry_ at you for doing something that dangerous. I could've lost you and I can't...I can't do that. What's the point of fighting if I lose everything?"

You were crying again, your heart aching from his words. "Poe..." You stroked his hair and gently lifted his head to make him look at you. "Now do you get how I felt when you went after that dreadnought? I understand why that upset you and...I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I broke up with you and said those things, but the way you try and protect me like I'm made of glass is frustrating. Protection is one thing, acting like I'm inept is another."

"I don't think you're inept. I just want to keep you safe."

"I appreciate that you have my back, Poe, just like I have yours, but we're both capable people. We shouldn't obsess over each other's well-being like this."

Silence fell over you and you kissed away a tear that was rolling down Poe's cheek.

"Are we good?"

"I think so. Do you have the ring?"

He sat up, pulling the chain over his head and attempting to put it on you. "Uh...can I do this in the morning?"

"Yeah. You should sleep." You helped him to lay down. "No drinking your problems away, okay?"

He pulled you to his chest. "Okay. You still love me?"

"I don't think I'll ever stop."


	26. as a suggestion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We had a...disagreement." You met Poe's eyes.
> 
> "Yeah." He straightened up, scratching the back of his head. "We might've raised our voices a little bit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet!

When morning came, you and Poe made up.

Twice.

Something about having your first actual fight and then forgiving each other made your love feel deeper and stronger. It turned out that communication and understanding were way more helpful than the knee-jerk reaction of yelling and lashing out.

You would never break up with Poe. The few hours you did the night before hurt enough.

You were now holding onto his arm, looking up at him lovingly as you made your way down a corridor. "I hope the general's not too mad about us being late."

"Ah, she loves me too much to get mad."

You decided not to mention when she slapped him and demoted him, instead just following him into the base's command center. Leia was there, looking up from a screen at the sound of your footsteps and smirking slightly when she saw who it was.

"Nice of you to join us."

"What's on the agenda today, General?" Poe leaned against a control panel.

"Nothing for you. Your squadron requested to go on their next mission alone." Upon seeing your confused looks, she continued, "They seemed to think you might kill each other. I heard you had a little spat."

"We had a...disagreement." You met Poe's eyes.

"Yeah." He straightened up, scratching the back of his head. "We might've raised our voices a little bit."

"Hm. Well, your colleagues are doing just fine, so you're free until I have something for you."

You both thanked her and left the room, still with an air of confusion. "Why would they think something like that?"

"I mean, you did try to kill me with the necklace." He was giving you this teasing grin that made your heart flutter more than it annoyed you.

You gave him a half-hearted glare, thankful that he didn't hate you for how you reacted.

"So what are we supposed to do all day—" You were pushed against the wall before you could finish, gasping.

"I can think of a few things." The kiss he gave you was so sensual and passionate that it seemed to tell you all about those few things. In remarkable detail.

You made up for the third time that day.

It was followed by a fourth.


	27. as a promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey," Poe called and you looked at him to see he was eyeing your surroundings with a furrowed brow. "Does it seem quiet to you?"
> 
> You paused, holding your breath. There were no inhabitants of the planet around to chatter as they went about their day, no sound of people from afar, no noises from animals, and even the fountain was turned off.
> 
> You tried to listen for birds. Certainly a planet like this would have some species of bird?
> 
> There wasn't a chirp or a squawk to be heard, even from afar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for what's coming in these chapters.

A few days passed and you had just gotten word that Finn, Rey, Rose, and BB-8 were on their way back when another mission came in. A leader on a verdant planet requested for someone from the Resistance to come and negotiate what your people could do for one another.

Leia gave you and Poe the go ahead, since the others wouldn't be back for at least half a day and the mission was set up simply enough for two people to be able to handle it.

The planet was _gorgeous_ and covered in lush vegetation; the only things that weren't green were the sky, trunks of trees, colorful flowers, and a neatly made stone pathway.

You and Poe followed the path to a large area of stone that made up a village square, surrounded by buildings big and small, with a beautiful fountain in the center. It held a statue of the leader, whose etched face held a benevolent and kind expression that didn't scare you like the statue of a narcissistic leader might.

"Hey," Poe called and you looked at him to see he was eyeing your surroundings with a furrowed brow. "Does it seem quiet to you?"

You paused, holding your breath. There were no inhabitants of the planet around to chatter as they went about their day, no sound of people from afar, no noises from animals, and even the fountain was turned off.

You tried to listen for birds. Certainly a planet like this would have some species of bird?

There wasn't a chirp or a squawk to be heard, even from afar.

"Maybe we scared them when we landed."

"No, they knew we were coming." His tone was full of suspicion and he continued forward, pulling his blaster from the holster. He stopped, staring at the ground and touching something in front of the toe of his right boot, drawing his hand back with a red substance on his fingers.

"Poe?"

"—this is a trap. Get back to the ships—"

Two stormtroopers were behind him before either of you could react, taking hold of him and knocking his blaster out of his grip. Your arms were yanked behind your back when you tried to run forward, quickly dragging you back into your place.

"Well, well, well." You heard that lilt before. General Hux walked into your line of vision, in the distance between you and Poe, his stride confident and his hands clasped behind his back like he was about to proudly give you a tour of the planet. "I knew rebel scum were idiotic, but this felt almost too easy."

He had this smackable smirk, and you totally would have smacked him if you weren't held back. You wiggled your arms in the troopers' grips, stretching your hand as far as you could to get the blaster that was hanging at your hip.

"Now, now, you won't be needing that." He walked over swiftly and took the weapon from its holster, pressing the muzzle of it right where your injury had been.

You flinched back, panic filling you. How did he know? His smirk grew and you knew you couldn't fall apart in front of such a sadistic man. You turned your fear into anger that would probably make you do something stupid, looking him in the eyes as you said, "Fuck off."

The victory you felt from his smile twitching and falling lasted only a moment before he was hitting you across the face with the gun.

"Y/N! You son of a—" You heard Poe yelling and struggling, but you were too busy trying to regain your focus after the hard blow.

"I hate to resort to such hands-on violence, but you _did_ provoke me." He backed away, keeping his eyes on you even as he addressed Poe. "You need to train your pet better, Commander Dameron." Not only were his words annoying, he also purposefully pronounced Poe's name as 'dam-er-ahn', as some sort of weak revenge for being called 'General Hugs'.

"If you lay one fucking hand—"

"You'll what?" Hux looked at him now. "Insult me? You are not the one who holds the power here. Put them on the ship."

You and Poe struggled fruitlessly as you were dragged around a large building where a First Order ship was hidden. You were pulled inside, and it was black and shiny just like everything else they had.

"Keep them separated."

You were being taken in different directions down a corridor and now you could most definitely obsess over each other's well-being.

Being taken by them _and_ being alone didn't bode well.

Upon seeing the utter terror on your face, Poe lashed out at the stormtroopers who had a hold of him, hitting one and shoving the other, and he ran for you. The ones who held you were surprised enough that you could yank yourself free, bolting towards Poe.

You grabbed onto each other's forearms. "Please don't let them take me!"

"I've got you...I've got you. Just hold on."

"What are you waiting for? Seize them!"

Poe's arms were grabbed by his set of troopers and your waist was grabbed by yours. You both tightened your grips.

"Don't let go!" Your terrified eyes met his.

"I won't."

But your hands were slipping and the look on Poe's face told you that he knew he couldn't hold onto you.

He gave a hard yank that pulled you forward enough to slam his lips against yours. It was quick and he looked into your eyes when he ended the kiss. "I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? You understand me?"

"Yeah. Yes!" Your second confirmation was nearly a yelp as you lost your grip on one another, reaching out desperately and managing to grasp onto his right hand with your left.

"As... _romantic_ as this is, we need to be going."

You were pulled apart easily, only able to watch helplessly as you and Poe were dragged further away from each other until he was out of sight.

How the hell were you going to get out of this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is my Hux? At least decent?


	28. as a lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I suppose you should know that your pilot is going to be executed in the morning."
> 
> "—what?" You were sure your heart fell out and was somewhere on the floor, or at least that's what it felt like. Any false confidence you put on quickly vanished and your fear was evident in your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux's very slight creepiness is based on the deleted scene of him and Rose.

You were taken to what had to be the First Order's new base, which was already perfect and fully stocked with supplies, as if they'd had it for years.

It paid to be rich and to intimidate people to get what you wanted.

Or kill them to get it.

You had been pacing back and forth in your cell since you were locked in it. Barely anyone even passed by and you wondered what they were doing; how much they could have done to Poe in the hours you'd been separated from him.

You didn't even know how many hours. You tried to keep track and lost count after a while, since it was hard to remember with the numbers only in your head.

You were getting kind of tired. You knew that much. It didn't seem like a wise idea to fall asleep, though.

And, anyway, you felt wide awake when you turned and saw General Hux standing outside of your cell, gasping at his sudden presence. "Oh." His tone held mock guilt. "Did I frighten you?"

"—you surprised me. There's a difference." You straightened up, giving him the most level look you could in your state of worry and slight panic. "What have you done with Poe?"

He furrowed his brow. "Poe— ah, your pilot. Our Supreme Leader retrieved some _glorious_ information from him about your little Resistance." There was something interesting in the way he mentioned the 'Supreme Leader', who you assumed to be Kylo Ren now. He said the name with this air of hatred that seemed odd when they were on the same side. "It almost seemed like deja vu, if such a thing existed."

"Why haven't you done anything to me? I know just as much as he does."

"He's been quite sacrificial." He smirked, looking as if he wanted to laugh. If he was capable of such a happy act. "He begged us not to harm you."

"And you listened?" You moved closer to the cell door, eyeing him warily.

"I thought it may be more enjoyable to let him think you're safe and then kill you." He moved closer, too, and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Or, better yet, let him think you're safe and then bring you to our side."

You stared. The bars on the door were just wide enough to allow you to spit right in his face, so you did. "I will _never_ be on your side." You should have been more scared, but you didn't want them to see you whimpering.

He was practically trembling with rage as he reached a gloved hand up to wipe the spit off of his cheek, his usual smirk replaced with a scowl. "All you rebel scum are the same disgusting, _loathsome_ creatures. You are no better than animals!" He took a few heaving breaths as if to calm himself down, then he stretched his muscles and his smirk returned. It was more sinister and less amused now. "I suppose you should know that your pilot is going to be executed in the morning."

"—what?" You were sure your heart fell out and was somewhere on the floor, or at least that's what it felt like. Any false confidence you put on quickly vanished and your fear was evident in your eyes.

"Yes. And the whole _galaxy_ will watch us rid it of the Resistance's _poster boy_." He turned on his heel smoothly and began to walk away.

"Wait!" You were surprised that he actually turned back around. "Let me see him." You paused, knowing you would have to butter him up if it were possible. "Please?"

"Now you play the role of the compliant prisoner." He walked back, smiling at the way you were gripping the bars on the door. "How will this benefit me?" He lightly touched your knuckles and you quickly yanked your hands away.

He gave you this look that had you reluctantly putting them back. "Why does it have to benefit you?"

There was a long moment where he just stared at you.

"Very well. If only because your anguish will be payment enough." He turned and left without another word.

You leaned heavily against the door, one hand moving to cover your mouth as you let out a sob.

Poe was going to be _executed_ and there was no way the two of you could fight the entire First Order to get out of it. If the Resistance didn't find out you were here — wherever _here_ was — and get to you within whatever hours were left before morning, Poe was going to be killed.

You managed to calm yourself slightly by the time two stormtroopers and General Hux came back, but you completely broke down the moment you saw Poe's face. He frowned, trying to move to you, only to be pulled back as the stormtroopers started to unlock the restraints that kept his hands in front of him.

"Leave them on."

 _Bastard_. You were too busy crying to actually call Hux the name, backing away from the cell door as it was opened. You could have tried running out, but Poe would be taken away at best and you would be killed at worst.

You immediately wrapped your arms around him, not caring that the cuffs dug into you, sobbing against his chest.

"Hey...shh..." He couldn't hold you, so he settled for pressing a kiss to your head. "I'm here now. I'm fine, see?"

You pulled away, shaking your head and gazing up at him. "No, no, you don't understand. He said you were going to be executed in the morning. He told me that you were going to be executed and I don't know how I'm going to stop it—"

"I know!" He reached up to cup your face despite the cuffs. "I _know_. It's gonna be fine." His eyes searched your face, before he leaned down and kissed you deeply. The kiss lasted for a good while before he pulled himself away. "I'm gonna be fine, baby."

Doubt and fear flashed through his eyes.

It was brief, but it was there, and it told you everything that you didn't want to know.

You nodded. If he was going to be murdered by his enemies for millions to see, you would let him think you believed him.

He looked exhausted, which you supposed was bound to happen when you have someone inside your head, so you helped him over to the cell's bed. It wasn't even close to comfy, but at least he could sit down.

"Come here." He lifted his arms and you moved under them, laying against his chest. "You know, hope is like the sun—"

"Don't. Please don't. Because when the sun comes up, you'll—" You closed your eyes tightly, fighting back tears. "Just hold me."

And he did. You laid there in silence for a while, listening to his heart.

You would remember his heartbeat. You would remember his voice, and his smile, and his laugh, and his hands, and his eyes, and his hair, and his gentleness, and his pride, and his touch, and the way he kissed you.

You just wished they didn't have to be nothing more than memories.


	29. because Poe is running out of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You looked at each other longingly.
> 
> Heavy, orderly footsteps sounded from outside the cell before four stormtroopers stopped outside the door.

You refused to sleep. You didn't want to miss one moment of the few ones you had left with Poe and you knew you had plenty of time to sleep later.

Hell, Hux might kill you later.

When you felt yourself falling asleep, you untangled yourself from Poe and sat there next to him, talking about nothing and everything.

You loved him so much.

"—I'm just saying that having sex in here would be kind of hot."

"I didn't say it wasn't."

"Then why do you hate it so much?"

"Look, Poe. If I didn't think we were being watched, I would ride you like a fathier right now."

It was a ridiculous conversation to be having, but it made everything a little more bearable.

"I mean, being watched is kind of hot, too."

"No."

He smiled and looked at you with way too much love for you to stay sane. "Figured I'd give it a try."

"Yeah, I know." You leaned back against the wall, watching him silently. "Hey, Poe?"

"Hm?"

"If we had— I mean, if we _do_ defeat the First Order...where do we go from there?" You had wondered once, when you thought you lost him, what he wanted for his future. "What will you do when there's no war to fight?"

"Well...there's always gonna be a war to fight at some point, 'cause someone's always gonna rise from the ashes of whatever we defeat. But...I don't know. Maybe I'd just be on call until then, go on a few adventures of my own until I'm needed. Think we could agree on a planet for our home base?"

The thought of choosing a _home_ with him made your heart flutter. "Maybe."

"Then we could, I don't know, find a kid somewhere."

With the way Poe loved on BB-8, you imagined he'd be wonderful with kids. He deserved to have everything he wanted. "I want that, Poe."

"So do I."

You looked at each other longingly.

Heavy, orderly footsteps sounded from outside the cell before four stormtroopers stopped outside the door.

"It's morning."

Oh, fuck, you'd never heard Poe's voice full of dread like that.

"Poe." You grabbed his face, turning him to you. "I love you." You kissed him. "I love you." And again. "I love you." Harder this time. "I love you." The last one, with your lips trembling against his.

"I love you, sweetheart."

He was yanked to his feet by two of the stormtroopers and you were grabbed by the others, looking at them in confusion. "What's going on?" They said nothing, taking you out of the cell behind Poe.

You were halfway down a corridor when you realized.

Of course they were going to make you watch.


	30. in a rush of adrenaline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You little—" Hux was reaching for you, but Poe thought quickly and ran at him, using his body weight and the bulky cuffs on his wrists to slam him against the wall.
> 
> "Behind you!" His grunted words had you spinning around.
> 
> The other two stormtroopers were readying their blasters.
> 
> Two against one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more action focused than romance focused. Enjoy!

You looked all around as you were pulled down a corridor behind Poe.

He kept gazing at you over his shoulder with these reassuring looks, like you were the one who was about to be executed.

You were busy hoping for a way out of this. Maybe one of the stormtroopers could be like Finn or the Resistance could figure out where you were and come in.

Or everyone in the First Order could suddenly become nice.

Maybe a bantha stampede could come through?

You came to a door that you could tell lead outside, and Hux was standing next to it, his hands folded in front of himself as he stood proudly. You wanted to spit in his face again.

"Any last words, scum?"

Poe was brought to him and matched his cocky look. "Make it gentle. It's my first time, you know?"

You could have laughed and cried. He was a man who almost literally laughed in the face of danger, and you loved the idiot so much.

But there was no time for laughing or crying because Hux was opening the door and you needed to _stop this_. You thought hard and looked around wildly for anything that could help you in this empty, infuriatingly shiny hallway.

You went for the first slightly plausible idea that came to mind.

"Wait!" It was sheer force of will that allowed you to break free from the stormtroopers that had a hold of you, running to stand between Poe and Hux. "You can't do this!"

He held up a hand to stop the troopers from grabbing you. "I'd like to hear the reasoning." He smirked at you. "Why not?"

"Because...because..."

What would stop someone from hurting another?

"—he's pregnant!"

Wait, what?

"What?"

"He's what?"

"I'm _what_?!"

All four troopers were looking at you with what you assumed was confusion, Hux was staring at you in a bemused shock, and Poe looked at you like you were crazy.

And they were all distracted.

 _Distracted_.

You saw the blaster in Hux's holster and immediately dived forward, pulling it out with only a little fumbling. You turned and shot both stormtroopers that had Poe before anyone could react, sending them to the floor.

"You little—" Hux was reaching for you, but Poe thought quickly and ran at him, using his body weight and the bulky cuffs on his wrists to slam him against the wall.

"Behind you!" His grunted words had you spinning around.

The other two stormtroopers were readying their blasters.

Two against one.

Fear sparked somewhere beneath the adrenaline that was filling you.

You raised your blaster and shot the trooper on the left before they could pull their trigger.

You dodged a shot by the one on the right, which hit the wall above Hux's head — you were thankful Poe was shorter than him — and made the put together man scream. You took the trooper out and watched him fall before you turned around.

"Let him go." Your tone was enough to have Poe quickly backing away. "Get on your knees."

Hux scoffed, straightening his clothes as he started towards you. "Who do you think you are—"

You aimed the blaster at his head. The fear of the man who screamed just moments before overpowered his false bravery and he slowly moved to his knees.

"Imagine loving something so much, but someone disagrees with that thing, so they try — not once, but twice — to take that thing away from you. How do you think that would make you feel? Huh?" You stood in front of him, nearly shaking. "Have you ever loved anything that much? Has anyone ever loved _you_ that much?"

Poe stood back and watched, giving you this one. It was clear that you needed it.

You tightened your grip on the blaster.

That's when you saw it.

There was fear in his eyes, of course. He was facing the barrel of a blaster.

But there was pain, too. A special, deep sort of pain that made you think of a child staring up at a parent who was about to strike them.

Had he never been loved before? Was he cruel because he'd never been loved before?

"Hasn't anyone loved you?" Your grip loosened slightly.

How were you supposed to kill someone who'd never been loved?

Anger wasn't the only thing that could make someone stupid, you supposed. Your next action wasn't because of anger.

"I'm going to give you something that you've probably never given or received."

He attempted to seem strong, sneering despite the wariness in his gaze. "What's that?"

"Mercy." The soft word was followed by you bringing the blaster down on his head, hard enough to knock him out cold.

You stared at his unconscious form.

"Y/N?"

Lifting your head, you saw Poe. You still had a lot of adrenaline running through you, so you ran for him, kissing him hard the moment you got to him.

He kissed you back eagerly for a moment before the cuffs came up between you, pushing you back gently.

"Why didn't you kill him?" His eyes searched yours for answers, confused and worried. He seemed to want him dead and you couldn't blame him.

"Later. Escape."

You wanted him dead, too, and yet...when it came to it, you saw an unloved boy in place of a sadistic general.

Next time, you wouldn't hesitate, should he try to hurt Poe again.

But you had this foolish, little fantasy of changing his heart so there wouldn't be a next time.

It didn't matter right now. You had halted Poe's execution and you needed to get out of there before anyone decided to carry on with it.

You would take care of anyone who got in your way.

Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were reader's actions strong or weak? You decide!


	31. in danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You look kind of hot."
> 
> He scowled and opened his mouth to say something, but paused. "—I'm trading in all my morals by saying this, but so do you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader's morals are very confused and Poe is here to help. Or push.

"I hate this."

"Stop complaining."

"It just feels wrong."

"Poe."

You gave him a look, fastening up the coat of his First Order uniform. You'd found two that fit the both of you in a wardrobe on the base, assuming you would need to disguise yourselves if you wanted to get out. Once someone discovered four dead stormtroopers and an unconscious general, they'd be searching for you.

"I don't get how Finn and Rose did it." He rolled his shoulders, scowling. "It itches."

"Yeah, it does, but would you rather have the cuffs back on?" Said cuffs were on the floor, mangled after you used some sort of laser device to open them. You put a First Order-approved hat on Poe's head and stopped to look at him.

"What?"

"You look kind of hot."

He scowled and opened his mouth to say something, but paused. "—I'm trading in all my morals by saying this, but so do you."

"Morals." You laughed, even though you knew that Poe was the most moral man you'd ever met.

Usually.

"Let's just get out of here." He grabbed his jacket, opening the door and allowing you to step into the hallway first. "We gotta be subtle."

You nodded, moving with some mix of a walk and a march. Poe was walking stiffly beside you, saying 'hey, how ya doing' to anyone who passed by, hiding his face under his hat.

"There was a time I thought you were suave, you know."

His glare was mostly a pout. "Come on, I think the hangar is this way." He lead you through a door which did, in fact, take you out to the hangar; full of brand new ships because money and intimidation could get you anywhere. "I can't believe I'm doing this again."

There was exasperation in his voice and something else.

"You're kind of thrilled to be taking another TIE fighter, aren't you?"

"—maybe."

"Just don't crash this one."

"I never should've told you about that." He walked to the nearest two-seat ship in a completely not subtle way. "Make sure it's not hooked up."

You looked all around it, checking to be sure it wasn't tethered or connected in any way, nodding at him. "We're goo—"

"Hey! You two aren't pilots." A soldier marched over to you, holding a blaster. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Uh—" You looked at Poe, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close. "We're going on our honeymoon. Kylo Ren gave us full permission." You leaned up to give him an anxious kiss.

The man stared and lifted his blaster, just as an alarm went off. People were running by, shouting about General Hux, and he looked over his shoulder at them.

Then he ran off to join them.

"That's our cue to go." Poe pushed you forward, helping you into the TIE fighter and getting in himself, into the pilot's seat. "If anything comes after us, you've gotta shoot it."

You looked over the controls, doing your best to figure them out just from looking at them.

Poe was easily starting the ship up after only having flown one once. You were annoyed by and thankful for his skill; annoyed because he was so talented with any ship, thankful because you were quickly in the air.

Then you were outside.

Then you were flying higher.

Hyperdrive was used to get you quickly out of the system.

A few hours and you would be back at the Resistance base.

"Okay, how the hell was that so easy?"

"They're too busy fretting over Hugs. Who you didn't kill." Out of immediate danger and on a clear path, Poe seemed keen to have a laid black flight. "By the way. Why?"

You didn't want to have this conversation. "No reason."

"Kid."

"I'm not a kid, Poe."

"You're acting like one."

"Not killing someone is childish now?"

"Refusing to tell me what's going on in your head is."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Do it anyway."

"No."

"Tell me."

"I couldn't do it, okay?!" Your frustration with yourself had you letting your head bang back against the seat. "I looked into that bastard's eyes and I _couldn't_ do it."

He was silent for a second. "Do you know how many stormtroopers—"

"Yes, I know how many stormtroopers! But I didn't see their eyes, as if...as if that makes a difference. Like it means they're not human, but they are, Poe." You were crying and practically panicking from your thoughts. "They're Finn."

"Hey, come on. We're in the middle of a war, baby. It's us or them."

"I know. I know." You took a deep breath. "I'll kill him next time. I won't be stupid."

"You weren't stupid, you just...I get why you did it, okay? Don't sweat it." He flicked a toggle switch, turning his head to look back at you as best as he could. "Let's just get home."

You nodded. You needed to get back to the base before the First Order did anything.

If they hadn't already.


	32. in grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You stood like that for a while before forcing yourself to calm down, pulling away to look into Poe's eyes, which were red. "Are we it, Poe? Are we all that's left of the Resistance?"
> 
> "I don't know. There's no struggle. No...blood." He cringed a bit. "They all would have fought them, especially Leia." He looked over the room slowly, pausing as his gaze fell on your bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the mediocrity of this chapter. Please enjoy it anyway.

Poe was out of the TIE fighter the moment it landed outside of the base, starting towards the entrance with long strides.

You were a little slower. You climbed out and hopped to the ground, looking around. "Poe, don't you think it's weird that a TIE just flew in and landed, and nobody came out with weapons to fight off the First Order?"

"What?" He paused, looking around. "—where the hell are all the ships?"

You'd been too preoccupied with the lack of Resistance members running out to defend themselves to notice that every ship — even Poe's mostly broken down one that he'd haggled down to a 'fair' price from allies — was no longer on the tarmac. "Oh, fuck, the First Order must have—"

"Don't! Don't jump to conclusions. Let's just...let's look inside before we jump to any conclusions, okay?" He waited until you were close before he made his way into the base, walking down a hallway. "Hello? This some sort of 'you guys are alive' surprise party?"

The only response was his voice echoing.

"Poe—"

"Shh!" He gave you a desperate look over his shoulder, one that told you that he needed everyone to be there; he couldn't let the place be empty. "You can come out now. It's just us, safe and sound!" He glanced into each room you walked by, stopping outside of the command center. "Leia? Finn?"

You stepped inside to find the room empty and everything turned off. You noticed the way Poe's posture sagged as he realized nobody was there when they should have been. Which meant—

"No." It couldn't be right, because it terrified you and it was breaking Poe. "Everything is too perfect. The First Order wouldn't have left things so perfect." You ran to prove your fears wrong and to save Poe, going further into the base, to members' bedrooms. "General Organa! Finn! Rey! _Rose_!" You ran into every bedroom until there was one left, and it was yours and his, and it was as empty as all the rest. You held onto the wall to keep from falling to your knees. "No..."

Poe stood in the doorway behind you, taking it in with pain clear on his face.

"They're gone." Tears gathered in your eyes, quickly falling. "Poe, they're all gone." You turned to him and he pulled you into his arms, holding you tighter than he ever had before.

He drew your face up, his eyes closed tightly as he pressed his lips to yours; the kiss was made of your need for comfort and intimacy, more sad than it was romantic. You pressed your face into his chest after the kiss, sobbing softly.

You stood like that for a while before forcing yourself to calm down, pulling away to look into Poe's eyes, which were red. "Are we it, Poe? Are we all that's left of the Resistance?"

"I don't know. There's no struggle. No...blood." He cringed a bit. "They all would have fought them, especially Leia." He looked over the room slowly, pausing as his gaze fell on your bed.

"What's wrong?"

He said nothing and untangled from you, walking over to the bed and shoving a pillow aside, revealing a homing beacon. "Y/N!" He held it up as you ran over, taking the bracelet from him to look it over. "They're okay."

"They're okay," you repeated, seeing a piece of paper on the bed as well. You picked it up and unfolded it. "The First Order isn't very subtle. General Organa said to leave this somewhere you guys would find it, if you're still alive. Rose." You and Poe shared a big grin.

"Looks like we've gotta hunt down our own people before they do." Poe was running out of the room, you hot on his heels as you raced out of the base.

"In a TIE fighter! They're gonna think we're—"

"I don't care what they think as long as we're with them." He opened up the ship and climbed inside, though not hesitating to reach down and help you in.

You buckled yourselves in, starting everything up in a hurried silence. It wasn't until you were in the air and fitting the beacon on your wrist that you spoke, "Poe?"

"Mm?"

"Do you think we'll ever run out of...running?"

He craned his neck so he could look back at you. "What do you mean?"

"We keep running and escaping them, but won't we have to face them someday? Really face them?"

"Yeah."

"And then what?"

"Well..." He looked forward, smirking. "Then we win."


	33. on a scar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Poe Dameron, if you don't land this fucking ship on the nearest fucking planet, I'm gonna—"
> 
> "You're gonna what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two kids, man.

"We're stopping on the next planet we fly by."

"We don't have time."

"We're dangerously low on fuel, Poe."

"We can't stop when we're getting so close to them."

"I have to pee."

"Hold it."

It turned out that being in a TIE fighter together for eight hours and counting was the perfect recipe for having you and Poe at each other's throats. It was such a small space, and your legs were screaming to be stretched out, and you'd run out of things to talk about two hours in, and you were both starting to get tired.

That wasn't exactly true. You were _already_ tired because you hadn't slept at all when you were imprisoned overnight and had yet to sleep; sitting down for hours just made you realize how exhausted you were.

"Poe Dameron, if you don't land this fucking ship on the nearest fucking planet, I'm gonna—"

"You're gonna what?"

You hesitated because no matter how pissed off you were, you didn't want to actually cause him any harm — the time you kissed him hard or pelted the ring at him aside, since that didn't do any physical damage. You could have threatened to make sure he never had children or any number of terrible things, but you didn't _want_ to and you realized your mood was ridiculous.

You were both being ridiculous and your fires were just fuelling each other's at this point.

"Nothing. I'm not gonna do anything." You took a deep breath, calming yourself. Reminding yourself that you weren't actually angry, just being affected by your discomfort. "Poe, please, can we just stop somewhere? I'm tired. I'm hungry."

There was a moment of silence and you could tell he was running his hand over his face with his own regret. "Okay. I'm sorry, baby, I...I just don't wanna lose them. You know?"

"I know. We'll just...we'll stop for one night. They can't get too far in one night."

"I guess you're right."

The nearest planet, thankfully, was a city, so there were plenty of hotels for you to spend the night at. Poe had credits — you elected not to ask why — and picked out a decent hotel that would serve food on demand.

You took heaps of food to your room and gorged yourselves in silence from your desperation for sustenance, before starting to prepare for bed.

You hadn't exactly taken anything from the base, so 'getting ready' was pretty much just taking off your uncomfortable, unwashed clothes.

"Let's pick up some underwear before heading out tomorrow."

In a much better mood now that your legs had been stretched and your hunger was sated, you looked over your shoulder to smirk at him. He was turned away, stepping out of his underwear and tossing it into a nearby trash receptacle.

"Is it bad that I'm not grossed out by this?"

"Nah, just means you love me _and_ my dirty underwear." Also in a better mood from eating and walking around, he turned to you with his eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

You turned around to face him. "Okay, now I'm grossed out."

He grinned, moving to you and stroking your hip, his thumb finding the scar at your side. He rubbed gentle circles. "I'm sorry I was so pissy with you. Being cooped up in a TIE just added to the stress."

"I wasn't exactly being sweet." You cupped his face, smiling at the way his scruff prickled your fingertips, and then watching in confusion as he dropped to his knees. He pressed a kiss to your scar and nuzzled it lovingly, making you shiver. "Poe..." Your hands went to his shoulders. "I'm exhausted."

"Me, too." He stood and took your hand, pulling you over to the bed with him. You both practically fell into it, shifting to get under the covers and watching each other.

"Goodnight, Poe."

"Night, sweetheart."


	34. to wake Poe up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay."
> 
> The mattress shifted as Poe moved over you, resting with his forearms on the bed at either side of you to keep from crushing you. "You're beautiful."
> 
> "It's the middle of the night and I need to shower."
> 
> "Still beautiful." He kissed and nibbled along your jawline, humming some melody you didn't know against your skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gentle comfort sex ahead. Feel free to skip if smut is not your thing!

You had four hours of deep, restful sleep before you woke up and found yourself wide awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling as you thought _what if we don't find them_ and _what if we have to run forever_.

You tried to go back to sleep for the first half hour, but figured out that your mind wasn't going to let that happen.

So you just kept thinking those scary 'what if's.

It didn't help that the room was almost entirely silent. The only thing that kept you semi-calm was the sound of Poe; he wasn't snoring so much as breathing deeply enough for you to hear every inhale and every exhale. You tried to focus on it to relax.

_In. Out. In. Out. Poe is right next to you. You're safe. You have Poe. You'll find the Resistance and be with them again. And if you don't, you still have Poe. You and Poe, against the universe._

_Alone._

_Running._

_Constantly fucking running._

_Never safe._

_Until the First Order finally gets—_

You felt your chest constrict as your brain began to alert your body that it was time to panic, and you quickly attempted to get control over your thoughts.

Poe's breathing wasn't enough when you were all alone, in the dark, with just your mind. You cuddled up to him to feel his skin against yours, and found yourself calming down only slightly.

You needed someone to talk to, to distract you. How cruel would it be to wake him up when you knew he had been as exhausted as you?

You nuzzled his cheek, deciding that if he woke up naturally, it wasn't _really_ your fault. Even if you were doing a few little things to speed up the process.

Your lips slid over his unshaven face. He gave a little moan when you reached the corner of his mouth, turning his head and giving you a gentle kiss. It grew more passionate as he slowly woke, his fingers coming to stroke random parts of your body in his hazy state.

"'S morning already?" His voice was low with sleep. It sounded beautiful.

"Uh...technically."

He leaned over you to squint at the chronometer on the bedside table. Upon seeing the time, he pulled back and looked at you with worried eyes. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just, uh..." You bit your lip. What was the point in hiding it? He had worries just like you. "I'm a little scared. I can't sleep because I keep thinking about not finding them...if it'll really be just us, all alone. I needed company and...sorry."

He looked at you, then kissed your forehead. "It's okay. Never gonna complain about spending time with you...unless we're stuck in a TIE together." He gently stroked his fingers through your hair. "I'm a little scared, too. Maybe we could take each other's mind off of things?" His tone was suggestive, but not perversely so. He sounded more needy than anything.

"Okay."

The mattress shifted as Poe moved over you, resting with his forearms on the bed at either side of you to keep from crushing you. "You're beautiful."

"It's the middle of the night and I need to shower."

"Still beautiful." He kissed and nibbled along your jawline, humming some melody you didn't know against your skin.

"What is that?" One of your hands ran through his hair while one of his slid down between your legs, rubbing your clit. "I don't think I've heard it before."

"Some song from back home. It's to help calm someone down and put them to sleep." His touch became a little firmer when you squirmed beneath him. "I can't remember the words, so I thought I'd hum it."

Your fingers left his hair, nails lightly raking over his cheek in a way that made his gaze turn slightly feral. "It's beautiful. And your humming is nice, too."

He turned his head to kiss your fingertips and smirked. "I don't want you to fall asleep just yet, though." His finger pressed to your entrance before slipping inside, followed by a second, and he pumped them slowly, his movements soon becoming slick and easy.

" _Ah_." His thumb pressed just right on your clit and you gripped onto the back of his neck, pulling him down for a hard kiss. "Get inside of me." The words, mumbled against his lips, made him growl softly. His hand left you so he could stroke his cock a few times, then you felt his tip pressed to you, pushing inside of you.

Slowly, letting you feel every inch he could fill you with.

Your thighs squeezed his hips in a gesture of satisfaction when he stopped moving, his arm coming to rest where it had before. You took the brief moment of the closest two people could be to stare at his face; his obvious beauty aside, he had this sweet, dazed look in his eyes, and he was biting down on his bottom lip in pleasure.

"What?" He asked when he noticed your intent stare.

"Do you ever look at someone and realize how much you love them?"

"Every day, at least eight times. Depends on how many times I look at you."

"—fuck." You were emotional enough as it was with your worry of not finding the rest of the Resistance, your comfort in Poe's touch deepening at his sweet words. Your tears were a mix of your fear of losing the Resistance and your happiness from Poe's love, and you turned your face away.

"Hey, hey...shh...come on..." He nudged your cheek with his nose until you let out a little laugh and looked at him again. "We're keeping each other's minds off everything else, remember? Focus on me."

"I _am_ focused on you. Half of this is," You gestured to the tears on your cheeks. "because I love you so much."

"Okay, uh...focus on my dick?" He smiled as his words caused you to laugh harder.

"Do you get off on making me laugh during sex?"

He sat up a little, starting to pull out of you. "Yeah. Most gorgeous sound ever..." He gave a hard thrust, making you cry out softly. "Most gorgeous smile ever. It's a lot of material to get off on."

You held his face as he started a steady pace against you. "I love you."

"Love you." It was clear that he was focused on the task at hand, his hips moving against yours with an ease that made you all the wetter for him.

"Fuck, Poe..." You moved your arms to wrap around him and dug your nails into his back. "I love you so much."

He let out a breathless chuckle, dropping his head to your neck and mumbling, "I love you so much, too."

Then all was silent, at least when it came to words. There were definitely other noises; the fairly vulgar sound of two bodies joined together like this, the mattress giving the occasional creak, you moaning and gasping as you kissed Poe's hair, and Poe whining and panting against your neck from pleasure as he edged closer to his release.

His cock thrusting in and out of you so easily was lovely enough that, when his hand returned between your legs, he just barely had to touch you before you were coming. It was gentle and quick, and you didn't feel like the whole world stopped for a few seconds, but it was pleasurable all the same. It felt right for this particular moment.

Poe's orgasm came immediately after you had started to clench around him, spilling deep within you and giving a couple more thrusts. He stopped with his cock inside you, face pressed to your skin as his breathing returned to normal.

"We'll find them tomorrow." You smoothed a hand over his hair, letting your fingers move to his face when he pulled out and rolled off of you.

"Yeah." He gave you a half-convinced smirk and kissed your fingers, taking you tightly into his arms. "Think you can get some more sleep first?"

"Mhm." Satisfied, you closed your eyes and nuzzled into him.

"I'm here if you need me."

You fell asleep quickly, sure that you would find them the next day.

Or maybe the next.


End file.
